The team of psychological service "family benefit". “Bringing modern science closer to understanding the human soul

- Irina Nikolaevna, you are teaching a course in pedagogy and psychology at Sretensky Theological Seminary, combining the knowledge accumulated by secular science with the patristic heritage. Is it possible to talk about the emergence of Orthodox pedagogy and Orthodox psychology?

In my opinion, both Orthodox pedagogy and Orthodox psychology are actively being formed in recent years. More than 20 years have passed since the first publications of Russian Orthodox scientists began to appear, in which there was clearly an orientation toward correlating scientific knowledge with divinely revealed knowledge, embodied in Holy Scripture and Sacred Tradition. Much credit for the formation of a new direction of scientific thought belongs to the priest and psychologist Archpriest Boris Nichiporov (unfortunately, now deceased), doctors of psychological sciences T.A. Florenskoy, B.S. Bratusyu, V.I. Slobodchikova, F.E. Vasilyuk, V.V. Abramenkova. It should be noted that the Institute of Christian Psychology has already been created, the rector of which is priest Andrei Lorgus. All the people I named are representatives of the scientific school of the Moscow state university. In St. Petersburg there are also specialists actively working in both scientific and church circles who are developing various issues psychological counseling and psychotherapy. The most important names are Doctor of Psychological Sciences L.F. Shekhovtsova and M.Ya. Dvoretskaya, candidate of psychological sciences Yu.M. Zenko. All these scientists made a tangible contribution to the development of Orthodox pedagogy and psychology, and not only to the system theoretical knowledge, but also into practice. I would like to note that in the 1990s, almost simultaneously in several cities: Moscow, St. Petersburg, Yekaterinburg, Samara and others, psychological services appeared to provide practical assistance to people who found themselves in difficult life and family circumstances. This is good news. This means that Orthodox pedagogy and psychology are gaining momentum and are beginning to take shape as an independent field. scientific knowledge and special shape practical activities. Another thing is terminology. Some authors talk about the creation of “Christian pedagogy and psychology,” others talk about “spiritually oriented pedagogy and psychology” or use other similar concepts. The debate about concepts is not over yet, this is true. But the desire of scientists is clearly expressed: to bring closer modern science to the understanding of the human soul, revealed by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church in the course of their ascetic deeds.

- Is it acceptable, in your opinion, to use the terms “Orthodox pedagogy”, “Orthodox psychology”?

I believe it is acceptable, although, as I said, the discussion about terminology is not yet over. It seems to me that when we talk about an approach to the study of man, using the knowledge of Christian anthropology that man is the unity of spirit, soul and body, then naturally the term “Christian psychology” is born. And if we have in mind the ultimate goal of working with a person, which is to promote the salvation of his soul, it is logical to talk about “Orthodox psychology.” Since the salvation of the soul is achieved in the process of a person’s churching and his voluntary participation in the sacraments of the Orthodox Church, in which the Lord gives those who believe in Him saving grace that transforms the personality, it is especially important to emphasize the specifics of the transformation of human psychology in accordance with the Orthodox tradition. I think that an Orthodox psychologist should provide a person with active professional assistance in the formation of his self-awareness as an Orthodox Christian.

It is clear that the ministry of a pastor and the ministry of a psychologist are different, but they also have something in common. Tell me, how is the integration of theology and psychology possible?

Both the priest and the Orthodox psychologist contribute to the salvation of a person’s soul. This task unites them. But they contribute in different ways, in different ways and on various stages life, therefore both the pastor and the psychologist have specific characteristics of their activities.

It is well known that in our Russian reality, almost all people baptize their children in infancy. They baptize, but do not educate them as Christians: the tradition of cultivating a Christian personality in the family circle has been interrupted, forgotten, and there is no understanding of the need for such upbringing. Without receiving from parents a saving example of pious life and help in Christian solutions to difficult life problems, modern man is doomed to an independent search for truth, a very painful one that can last for years. During this period, he, as a rule, experiences difficult personal experiences associated with a feeling of his own spiritual poverty, as well as the futility of efforts aimed at solving complex life problems by exerting his intellect and will. Human life in modern world so complex, so contradictory that it does not fit into any rational schemes and does not lend itself to any formal logic. The Holy Fathers taught that “education” and life “wisdom” are two different things.

Only many years later, after many mistakes, losses and disappointments, does a person begin to really think about whether he is living correctly, what his values ​​are and the meaning of his life. A person’s turn to God occurs, as a rule, only in adulthood or even at the end of life, when it is already difficult for him to overcome the usual stereotypes of behavior, communication and thinking. Sinful conservatism, the habit of proceeding in everything from the interests of one’s own “I,” the tendency to distort reality to please oneself, like blinders on the eyes, interfere with the perception of church life.

Turn to religious life It is also very difficult to implement because, as a rule, the experience of one’s own spiritual poverty is deeply hidden from the consciousness of the person himself. As a rule, some negative emotions appear on the surface of the process of self-awareness: the experience of resentment, irritation, anger, a painful feeling of injustice, misunderstanding, loneliness, depression and melancholy, etc. Negative emotions cover up the real causes of the unsettled life in much the same way as “trees cover up the forest.”

At this moment, a person needs an assistant, he needs an interlocutor who, on the one hand, can listen carefully and patiently to the complaints of the “sufferer”, can sincerely sympathize with him in trouble, and on the other hand, can help him see recurring problems directly related to the character of the person himself, the development of his personality and the background of his life. These are the functions of an Orthodox psychologist: listening, understanding, showing sympathy (“empathy”); encouragement to analyze, reflect on oneself and own life("reflection"). In essence, this work is “loosening the soil” of the human soul, aimed at forming the “desire to be saved” (“forming the will for salvation”). Different people to varying degrees they are able to engage in work on their own soul. Each person has their own ability for self-analysis, reflection of their feelings, thoughts, states and actions. This is where professional skills are needed, you need to feel the person’s reaction, his “ psychological type“, you need to select an individual key for him, say the right word in time, which will force him to take the first - the most important - steps towards his salvation.

In contrast, the main tasks of the pastor in relation to the parishioners are preaching repentance and life according to the commandments of God, “sowing the word of God” about the salvation of the soul and the Kingdom of Heaven, performing the sacraments, encouraging the Christian feat of selfless love and individual instruction aimed at acquiring a Christian image life. The priest helps a person build a personal relationship with the Lord, acquire a truly Christian worldview and the consciousness of conciliar unity with others, characteristic of members of the Orthodox Church.

Thus, an Orthodox psychologist helps a person understand himself and his life, the stereotypes of his behavior and communication with other people, and thereby contributes to the formation of the desire to “meet Christ”; the priest directly prepares the person for this intimate and desired meeting, helping the person to recognize and love Christ as his God and Savior.

What is the fundamental difference between the course in pedagogy and psychology taught in theological schools and the course taught in secular universities?

The basic principle of Orthodox pedagogy and psychology is to consider a person in the unity of spiritual, mental and physical principles. The central concept for Orthodox pedagogy and especially for psychology, naturally, is the concept of “soul”. The human soul, according to the teachings of the holy fathers, has two dimensions at once: on the one hand, the human soul is spiritualized and capable of reflecting the face of God, and on the other hand, it is closely connected with the body and reflects the world around us. The first, according to the teachings of the holy fathers, connects a person with the heavenly world, the second - with the earthly world. The first direction is “vertical”, the second is “horizontal”, therefore a person in the Orthodox tradition is always represented three-dimensionally: his soul is always, as it were, on a “cross”, in which both “higher” and “lower” intersect. In considering the concept of “soul” in combination with these two components, in my opinion, lies the specificity of teaching pedagogy and psychology in theological schools.

While in secular universities, teaching is based on the idea of ​​the soul in only one - “horizontal” - dimension. In this case, the category “soul” is reduced to the concept of “psyche”. Thus, in secular educational institutions The role of mental reflection in solving problems of human adaptation to the surrounding reality is considered. In this regard, the main subjects of study are “mental processes”, “mental phenomena”, “mental activity”, as well as its motives, structure and results. Without any doubt, the life of the human soul is closely connected with the life of his body (Aristotle wrote about this in his treatise “On the Soul”). Therefore, it is necessary to study psychophysical, psychophysiological, as well as other issues of psychological regulation of human life and behavior in the complex world around us. I would like to note that secular psychology has achieved considerable success in the experimental study of human mental reactions. Beginning with the creation of the first experimental psychological laboratory, which was opened by the outstanding psychologist W. Wundt in Leipzig in 1869, and until now, psychologists have been conducting systematic research into human mental functions: sensations, perception, emotions, attention, memory, thinking, imagination. Much has also been written about research into the motivational orientation of human behavior, about the study of character traits and its personal manifestations. Powerful batteries of psychodiagnostic techniques have been developed, with the help of which you can study a person quite deeply.

But still, without taking into account the spiritual and moral component of human life, our idea of ​​him will be incomplete: in this case, a person can only be considered as an organism, as a biosocial being. But the most important thing is to understand a person as a freely developing, independent person. “Personality,” as is known, is a spiritual concept; this is the result of a person’s spiritual self-determination in relation to Christ, which occurs under the gracious influence of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, Orthodox pedagogy and psychology consider the human soul in the totality of two dimensions at once: not only the “horizontal”, but also the necessarily “vertical” dimension, without which the human personality cannot be formed.

- What tasks do you set for yourself while reading this course?

I would like to give seminarians such knowledge in pedagogy and psychology that they will certainly be useful in their future pastoral activities. His Holiness Patriarch Kirill increasingly speaks about the need to organize missionary and social service to introduce people to Christian values, through which the spiritual health of the family and the individual is achieved. I think that such a statement of tasks is very timely, since Russian society is in a deep moral crisis, as a result of which various social vices are flourishing: corruption, crime, drug addiction, drunkenness, prostitution, etc. It is a pity that children, teenagers and young people are increasingly being drawn into this orbit of negative phenomena. Their fragile souls easily absorb evil in its various manifestations. And this happens because in early childhood, in the family circle, they were poorly raised by their parents, abandoned, rejected and psychologically traumatized by those closest to them. A child’s soul, “robbed” by love, as a result of unbelief, lack of spirituality, ignorance and hard-heartedness of parents, is damaged so deeply that as a result the person loses himself for many years. A person begins to live without feeling the presence of the image of God in himself, without being guided by goodness, philanthropy, or a creative attitude towards what is happening around him. He then begins to create lawlessness, shows aggression towards other people, becomes a consumer and destroyer of the benefits created by others.

I think that the main task of the modern Church is to restore to man the spiritual dignity he previously lost. And for this we need to spiritually enlighten people, as well as introduce them to Christian family values. Young shepherds, seminary graduates, must understand what happens to a person, how his psychology changes when he lives for many years in a state of unbelief, and also be able to return to God His “lost sheep.”

What textbooks in this discipline do you recommend to your students? What works of the holy fathers do you recommend turning to for a thorough acquaintance with the subject of pedagogy and psychology?

There are no real textbooks yet, but there are good books, which form in students a deep interest in Orthodox pedagogy and psychology. Not all of them are written in a good language that is understandable for students; some books contain a lot of psychological terminology, which makes it difficult to understand the content. But there are still good books. I will name some of them. First of all, this is “Introduction to Christian Psychology,” the author of which is priest and psychologist Boris Nichiporov (by the way, a former classmate of mine; together with Father Boris we studied at Moscow State University at the Faculty of Psychology). Further, “The World of Your Home”, “Dialogue in practical psychology» T.A. Florenskaya; the book “Elements of Orthodox Psychology”, the authors of which are L.F. Shekhovtsova and Yu.M. Zenko, psychologists from St. Petersburg. I consider the books of Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh, devoted to the problems of man’s standing before the face of God, to be very useful: “Man Before God”, “On Meeting”, “On Marriage and Family” and others. In addition, I would like to note the work of priest Andrei Lorgus “Orthodox Anthropology” and a series of anthropological articles by Metropolitan Amfilohiy (Radovich), which are collected in the book “Fundamentals of Orthodox Education.” I find very useful the book by priest Vadim Korzhevsky “Propaedeutics of Orthodox Asceticism. Compedium on patristic psychology." I also recommend that students study the works of St. Theophan the Recluse. They contain enormous depth: the saint reveals changes in the human soul caused by the action of the grace of the Holy Spirit.

- What topics of the taught discipline are of the greatest interest to students?

It seems to me that during the years of study at SDS, seminarians manage to plunge quite deeply into theological issues, issues of the liturgical activities of clergy, the history of the Orthodox Church and Russian state; they study ancient languages ​​and master the art of church chants. This greatly enriches the inner world of young people, educates seminarians, develops the spiritual and moral side of their personality, and introduces them to tradition.

But, from my point of view, this is still not enough. It seems to me that students are in dire need of knowledge that can help them navigate modern problems Churches. In particular, I see how important it is for them specific examples behavior of people in various life and family situations. As future shepherds, they must learn to understand people, the psychology of marital and parent-child relationships, and mental health problems. In addition, seminarians must navigate the official documents of the Russian Orthodox Church adopted in recent years on the organization of missionary and social service in parishes, on issues of spiritual enlightenment and education of children, adolescents and youth. Students like it when the teacher introduces them to practical experience the work of various church parishes and monasteries, and also gives a specific explanation of the provisions of official documents of the Russian Orthodox Church.

- What topics do you consider most important for the future shepherd?

Today, many of our contemporaries are experiencing the deepest personal crisis: they cannot find common language with loved ones, cannot get along with their colleagues at work, conflict with them, then become deeply depressed, withdraw into themselves and experience bitter suffering from loneliness.

We live in a very complex world, in a world where spiritual values ​​and correct understanding values ​​and meaning human life. Rushing in pursuit of pleasure and wealth, modern man becomes extremely preoccupied with the problem of his own self-affirmation. His human “I” becomes selfish and self-centered, distrustful and suspicious, since all other people, also striving for self-affirmation, become “rivals”, “opponents” or even “enemies” for him. Under these conditions, human pride blooms magnificently! On its basis, various sinful inclinations, vices and psychological addictions. Hiding these addictions from other people and from himself, modern man often lives a “double life” and acquires a so-called “underground character.” As a result, it turns out that psychology modern people very complex: on the surface there is one thing, but in the depths there is something exactly the opposite. This also applies to those people who are now beginning to become church members. Young pastors lack experience communicating with people, lack knowledge about the structure of the human soul, its distortions in a state of sin, so at first it can be very difficult for them to understand those people who come to them for confession. As a result, it can be very difficult for them to give appropriate pastoral instructions to parishioners who are repenting of their sins. And this leads to formalism and loss of trust on the part of parishioners.

Let us remember that, according to St. Theophan the Recluse, Orthodox psychology should study the state of the human soul damaged by sin, as well as in the state of enlightenment of the soul by the grace of the Holy Spirit. By studying these issues in the Pedagogy and Psychology course, future priests can prepare to fulfill their duties and help people in trouble.

I think that the most important thing for seminarians today is to understand the issues of formation and development human personality. It is very important to understand that personality is the result of the revelation of the image of God, which is achieved by a person on the basis of the personal feat of faith in Christ with the assistance of the grace of the Holy Spirit, which gradually transforms his soul.

- Are there practical classes for seminarians in the disciplines you teach?

Introductory practice for seminary students takes place within the walls of a state institution - the Tsaritsyn Complex Center social services(KCSO), which has been working on the innovative program “Spiritual Health of the Family and Personality” for a number of years.

The development of this program belongs to a team of Orthodox psychologists-consultants of the autonomous non-profit organization (ANO) “Psychological Service “Family Good””, which has been working under my leadership for four years. It should be noted that the creation of the ANO “Family Good” was preceded by a ten-year period practical work Orthodox specialists, which initially took shape within the walls of the ROO " Orthodox Center“Life-Giving Spring” in Tsaritsyn,” and then was moved to the Tsaritsyn CCSO. Over many years of cooperation between church and government agencies conditions have arisen for establishing business partnerships in providing assistance to people in difficult life and family circumstances. In April 2006, on the basis of the department of psychological and pedagogical assistance of the Tsaritsyn CCSO, a group of Orthodox specialists was formed, uniting into the team of the ANO “Family Good”, which receives visitors daily on issues of family and Christian upbringing of children.

The practice of SDS seminarians involves familiarization with the innovative program “Spiritual Health of the Family and Personality”, with the established procedure for receiving visitors who seek help, as well as with the key problems that are discussed during psychological consultations. In addition, SDS students have the opportunity to get acquainted with the topics of seminars for parents, the topics of developmental classes with teenagers and seminars for specialists (psychologists, teachers and social workers), which were conducted by specialists of the ANO “Family Good” in Moscow, Ryazan and St. Petersburg. During a tour of the building, seminarians have the opportunity to get acquainted with structural divisions Tsaritsyno CCSO, occupied premises and their equipment, designed to work with socially vulnerable citizens of the Tsaritsyno district of the Southern Administrative District of Moscow.

- What results would you like to achieve in the process of educating future shepherds?

I would like to develop in students the ability to navigate psychological and pedagogical problems, first of all, so that they take care of their personal development, their own spiritual and moral formation. A person who strives for his own growth and development will always be concerned that the people around him also move forward and constantly improve. It seems to me that without this, a seminary graduate will never become a good shepherd. The formation of personality, the spiritual maturation of a young shepherd, in my opinion, is, moreover, a direct prerequisite for him to create a strong Orthodox family, which will become both support and support for him in the difficult future ministry.

The personal appearance of the pastor, his own spiritual and cultural outlook, his strong family, Christianly raised children - all this will become an inspiring and attractive example for parishioners.

The whole problem is that someone needs to show young people the ideal of love. If a boy and a girl grew up in families where the parents lived amicably, in harmony, and maintained their marriage for many years, then it would be much easier for them to avoid mistakes. But we often see that young people who want to start a family grew up in single-parent families.

For example, a young man grew up without a dad. An example of a real man, he never saw his father at all. And the girl may have grown up in a complete family, but her dad was at work from morning to evening, and he was present in the family only as a source of material well-being. Dad brought money, dad bought, gave the opportunity to have fun. And she takes this as a model of relationships with her young man, her chosen one, that he, first of all, must earn money.

The ideal case is when parents show an example of true love. How can the youngest person figure it out?

Analyze what is happening around. In order to gain experience, you need to see what is happening in other people's lives. Surely there are friends, and now on the Internet many people create diaries that give everyone the opportunity to read. But when we get acquainted with the destinies, with the experiences of other people, we must use the criterion of whether it is good or bad. Understand what suits our goals and what doesn't.

I remember my younger years, we also had a group of teenagers. We talked for hours about our first steps in a loving relationship. When the first feelings just arise, it’s all touching and reverent. Now, perhaps, everything happens differently, but then we wrote notes, then glances played a very important role, whether a young man would ask him to dance or not, whether a girl would come on a date. From these fragments a complex picture of relationships and the search for love emerged.

I really sympathize with young people; now it is not so easy to stay in the state of the birth of the first relationships that would make the human soul tremble. Not the flesh, but the soul. Because there is no environment where this wave would be picked up, it is difficult to hear a love song where there is meaning and a good clever verse. And in a nightclub there will be rhythmic music that provokes completely different forms of behavior, where people around smoke, drink, and kiss in front of everyone. There is freedom of behavior, freedom of morals, but there is no care when the first contact occurs, when there is a search for reciprocity, when every look, every gesture is treasured with our hearts, when everything is infinitely precious. Modern youth have a kind of basement: people enter, meet love, but not at all from the best side. The possibility of such unity and intimacy arises that a person does not even have to think about specifically how to create it. They think through physical relationships to become closer to a person. But this is not how true intimacy begins.

Truly close people are close mentally and spiritually, and only then, thirdly, physically. Now everything starts from the end, people are already close physically, but they do not gain mental and spiritual closeness, so such relationships are doomed to break. Statistics show that previously a marriage lasted on average several years, but now it is a period of prosperous family life reduced to months! As soon as passion cools down, as soon as addiction arises, then everything goes to zero, slowly but surely. Interest disappears, and they immediately begin to easily cheat on each other, because they want to find, to rise to the same intensity of passions that is no longer found with this partner. The marriage lasts several months, such a tragedy...

The tragedy is that people are disappointed in love. They say, “there is no love” or “everyone betrays”, “everyone cheats.” But who is to blame for such a bitter conclusion? We ourselves, because we know only the basest side of love.

If there is a habit of preserving the most important thing, preferring the spiritual to the physical, then a person will correctly feel this spark that has arisen in the heart, and everything else is arranged by God.

How to learn this? We need to think about it, observe how other people live. You need to read good books, you need to watch good films. After all, now we see that young people do not read books at all. You need to express yourself somehow about a great feeling, you need to find the appropriate form. Therefore, every boy and girl should have their own circle of classical reading, which nourishes the soul.

As a rule, information from the TV and computer screens fills both eyes and ears. But information is not the same as gaining knowledge. To receive information, it is enough to have physical ears, physical eyes, and to know, you must have a heart.

When we read good books or watch good films, we see the beauty of relationships, the difficult actions of people, dictated by the nobility of the soul and spiritual aspiration, at this moment serious work happens in our hearts, we develop knowledge of what is really good and what is really bad. We get the opportunity to choose, we have an inoculation of good and bad. The problem is that there is more bad around than good. You have to look for the good, you have to tune in to it.

- What else can you do to prepare yourself for starting a family?

At the Tsaritsyn Social Service Center, where we conduct educational and social work, there is a group of young mothers. They are 18–19 years old, some of them already have two children, but they were born from different men. We are faced with the fact that these young mothers are completely illiterate in terms of organizing married life and raising a child. Many of them do not know how to cook soup or compote for a child, how to play with the baby and how to communicate with him. In the first days of our acquaintance, they even held the child in their arms ineptly, so social workers had to teach this.

There are much more important aspects of preparing a person to start a family. First of all, I mean awareness of my purpose as a woman: a wife and mother. It only seems to us that these skills are formed automatically: a girl becomes a wife immediately after marriage, and a mother immediately after the birth of a child. No, not at all! Man is not an animal, and these most important abilities are not the result of automatically awakening “instincts.” If this were so, then we would not have so many divorces, adultery, abandoned children and abortions.

Man is God’s beloved creation, to whom the Lord gave a soul and endowed him with the gift of freedom. What does this mean? This means that mastering everyone is vital important functions occurs in a person depending on the level of development of his personality. In other words, in order to become a good wife, you need to understand the spiritual, moral and psychological tasks that have to be solved in marriage. For example, you need to learn to love your husband, that is, accept him as a dear and necessary person for yourself, just as he is, for the rest of your life.

If the young wife begins to show impatience, becomes indignant at the shortcomings noticed, protests against them and complains about her husband to her parents and girlfriends, the marriage will not work, because in response he will also be indignant and protest against her behavior. The struggle between the “conceits” of a woman and a man usually ends in tragedy: divorce, drunkenness of the husband and mutual adultery, division of property and living space. Do not forget that in the event of a direct struggle, a man will always find effective ways to protect his status and rights as the head of the family. Having started a war, a woman, as a rule, loses, because, in addition to all the difficulties that arise, she simultaneously loses her husband’s love, the opportunity to calmly raise children, her dignity, beauty and femininity.

The only behavior that leads to harmony marital relations, is to, having realized the existing difficulties, tune in not to “ultimatums”, but to patiently and carefully “adjusting” to the way of thinking, life and behavior of your spouse, so that later, unnoticed by the husband, you can encourage him to move on to combating your shortcomings. It is difficult to achieve this; such positive changes require time, patient and careful attitude towards to a loved one, subtle intuition and the ability to think not about your own good and comfort, but about your spouse.

Becoming a mother is also not easy. You have to endure a lot in order to accept your child as a gift from God, to accept unconditionally, as the Lord gave him: a boy or girl who does not look like “our relatives,” perhaps very capricious, whiny, too active or not quite healthy (physically). or mental health).

Very often, after giving birth, a woman experiences terrible depression because the child she has born has disappointed her in some way. The great responsibility that falls on the shoulders of women in this regard is constant anxiety and worry about the baby’s life, his nutrition, state of health, sleepless nights, the need to build life strictly “by the clock”, without being able to get distracted, go out with friends, have fun, etc. - all this often depresses young mothers, suppresses them . Sometimes it turns out that a woman cannot cope with maternal functions. Feeling her inadequacy, she begins to get irritated with the child, shows aggressiveness, strives to stop breastfeeding as early as possible and give the baby to be raised by her grandmother.

Here she often runs into another serious problem: the breakdown of connections between generations. If a young mother gives birth to a child without a husband, the grandmother, as a rule, is very critical of her pregnancy and childbirth. We were told that many grandmothers told their adult daughters: “These are your problems, get out of this situation as you wish.” Many mothers didn’t even want to hear about their daughter giving birth. Or they forced me to have an abortion or threatened to kick me out of the house, “you’ve had enough, you’re so and so.”

The feelings of these grandmothers, of course, can be understood, but, most importantly, they also could not overcome their selfishness. Indeed, in such a situation, a young mother needs to lend a helping hand, console, support and teach the necessary skills to care for a child. Often these “grandmothers” were completely unprepared to assist their daughters. And these girls came to the social service center so that they could be taught how to act in this difficult situation by psychologists, social educators and social workers. Our specialists explained to them that abortion is murder, a great sin. The experts said: “Even if your mother insists on this, you will deeply regret later if you agree with her demand to kill the child.”

It turned out that the woman was faced with a serious problem. In her life there was such an important test as the birth of a child, combined with a negative attitude from those closest to her, and the man, the father of the child, as a rule, disappeared altogether. It was a pity to look at the girls - they were so confused and depressed by the very fact of the birth of a child. We had to teach young mothers to love their children. This seems to be a paradox. It turns out that cats and dogs know well what to do with a kitten or puppy. And in the current conditions, a person’s instincts do not work until a person within himself overcomes his pride, his selfishness and accepts the child as his continuation.

But it’s one thing to give birth to a child, give him life, and another thing to raise him correctly. Here even more work must be put in to give him not only physical health, but also mental and spiritual health. Otherwise, a full-fledged personality will not be formed. It's important not to forget this!

We had to talk a lot with single young mothers about whether they could have been in a different situation, whether they could have been more careful in their personal relationships. But almost everyone answered that they knew little about the fathers of their children, believed their kind words, promises of marriage, wanted to be happy and thought little about the responsibility that would then fall on their shoulders. Some young mothers said that now they “don’t need the presence of men in their lives at all.” Resentment, pride and arrogance led them to a complete refusal to start a family in the future. Such a conclusion, drawn from a previous life, is also disappointing, since life still goes on as usual. In this regard, the question arises about overcoming spiritual and psychological trauma in a way that gives strength to live on.