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The essence of confidence of any kind sooner or later, in addition to self-esteem, comes down to the question of what people will think of me. Read new material happiness psychologist about the essence of self-confidence, on what pillars it rests and take a test of 10 questions for self-assessment of confidence.

The simple essence of self-confidence

The essence of confidence, like its meaning, is simple: self-confidence, like faith in a higher power, does not require external evidence.

Often, a not very confident person with low self-esteem hides within himself a dependence on other people’s opinions about his appearance, his behavior and his life in general.

The essence of confidence according to Freud is simple - look within yourself!

Moreover, gaining an independent opinion about oneself means in this case neither more nor less a change in fate.

The crux of the matter is that confident person compares himself with others, and a confident person compares himself with himself.

When you find yourself in a comparison situation, what do you experience? What's on your mind?

The nature of the origin of uncertainty and low self-esteem

There are several reasons for the origin of uncertainty, as well as confidence, and they all lie in the area of ​​the interpsychic person:

  • An incident in life. Sometimes some event or incident in life can lower a person’s self-esteem and literally knock him out of self-confidence for a long time. For example, a person was made to look awkward in front of other people. Or a new law has come out that affects your life.

  • Comes from childhood. We are, of course, talking about situations of comparison with other children or constant harsh criticism of one or both parents. For example, my client often heard from her mother that she “moves like a cow” and is “clumsy like a hippopotamus,” it is clear that the girl grew up with a feeling of inferiority of her body.

  • Personal point of view. This reason lies in a person’s opinion about himself, which he formed under the influence of a book he read, a conversation he overheard, or a movie. For example, teenagers often try to imitate their pop idol or movie star, and understandably lose in comparison.

  • Opinions of significant people. The opinion of a person from the social environment or loved one, a friend often affects self-esteem and can be shaken. We all know that if you often tell a child that he is an idiot or good for nothing, then it will happen.

And the stronger the emotions (for example, in a conflict) in which a person received a negative assessment or made a conclusion about himself, the more difficult it will be for him to cope with self-doubt.

All the parameters for comparing yourself with yourself are all inside.

Survey: reasons for low self-esteem

4 myths about your self-esteem

  1. Low self-esteem is forever.

  2. I will never be able to do THIS in my life.

  3. If I increase my self-esteem, it means I will become an arrogant and arrogant person.

  4. Increasing self-esteem is a long and boring process.

Self-esteem test: 10 questions about self-confidence

I suggest you take a short self-assessment questionnaire of 10 questions and determine how confident a person you are.

Read ten statements and decide to what extent you agree with each of them:

  • 1 point. I completely disagree.
  • 2 points. I rather disagree than agree.
  • 3 points. Doesn't matter.
  • 4 points. More likely to agree than to disagree.
  • 5 points. I completely agree.

1. If I put in enough effort, I always manage to solve difficult problems.
2. If people don't agree with me, I can still find ways to get what I want.
3. I easily manage to stay on the path leading to the goal and achieve it.
4. I have enough resources to cope with unexpected situations that arise in various areas of my life.
5. I am confident that I can deal effectively with the unexpected.
6. I always say yes to new opportunities.
7. I calmly accept difficulties that arise in both my personal and professional life.
8. I am able to solve most of the problems I encounter.
9. Most of the time I feel like a lively, energetic person.
10. I am confident that I can handle anything that comes my way.

Self-esteem test results:

41 – 50 points. You have all the signs of a confident person.
31 – 40 points. More often than not, you are confident that you are able to get out of the dead ends that you sometimes find yourself in. However, there are situations in which you give in.
21 – 30 points. You often feel nervous in certain circumstances.
10 – 20 points. Your self-confidence is up at the moment, seems to be quite low, but it can be managed.

If you are not confident in communicating with the opposite sex

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A short checklist “How to increase your self-esteem”

  • Stop scolding and blaming yourself, praise yourself instead.

  • Stop comparing yourself to other people, compare yourself to yourself.

  • Try to do what you like, create your own reality.

  • Communicate with positive people, surround yourself with confident friends.

  • Create lists of your positive qualities, achievements and victories.

  • Start helping and giving of yourself to other people.

  • Take action and learn new things in the world around you and in yourself!

  • Make a list of affirmations that can help improve your self-esteem and read it every morning.

Concentrate your inner attention on your strengths, achievements and points of pride.

Other name this test- Rydas test. Here are 30 statements that describe different types of behavior. For each statement, the degree of correspondence should be noted:

5 - “very typical for me, the description is very true”,

4 - “quite typical for me - more likely yes than no”,

3 - “partly characteristic, partly not characteristic”,

2 - “quite uncharacteristic of me - more likely no than yes,”

1 - “not at all typical for me, the description is not correct.”

Questionnaire text

*1. Most people seem to be more aggressive and confident than I am.

*2. I hesitate to make dates and accept invitations to dates because of my shyness.

3. When the food served in a cafe does not satisfy me, I complain about it to the waiter.

*4. I avoid hurting other people's feelings, even if I have been insulted.

*5. If a salesperson has gone through a lot of effort to show me a product that doesn't quite suit me, it's hard for me to say no.

6. When I am asked to do something, I always find out why it is done.

7. I prefer to use strong arguments and arguments.

8. I try to be among the first, like most people.

*9. To be honest, people often take advantage of me. 10. I enjoy communicating with strangers.

*11. I often don't know what is best to say to an attractive woman (man).

*12. I feel hesitant when it comes to calling the facility on the phone.

*13. I would rather make a written request to be hired or enrolled in a job than to go through an interview.

*14. I'm embarrassed to return a purchase.

*15. If a close and respected relative annoys me, I would rather hide my feelings than show irritation.

*16. I avoid asking questions for fear of appearing stupid.

*17. In an argument, I am sometimes afraid that I will worry and tremble.

18. If a well-known and respected lecturer expresses a point of view that I consider incorrect, I will force the audience to listen to my point of view as well.

*19. I avoid arguing and haggling over price.

20. When I do something important and worthwhile, I try to let others know about it.

21. I am frank and sincere in my feelings.

22. If someone gossips about me, I try to talk to him about it.

*23. I often find it difficult to answer “no.”

*24. I tend to restrain my emotions rather than make a scene.

25. I complain about poor service and clutter.

*26. When someone compliments me, I don't know what to say in response.

27. If I am interrupted by conversations in the theater or at a lecture, I make a remark.

28. Anyone who tries to get ahead of me in line will be rebuffed.

29. I always express my opinion.

*30. Sometimes I have absolutely nothing to say.

Key

1. Find the sum of points for questions not marked with an asterisk (numbers 3, 6, 7, 8, 10, 18, 20, 21, 22, 25, 27, 28, 29).

2. Find the sum for the questions marked with an asterisk (numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 23, 24, 26, 30).

3. Add the number 72 to the first amount and subtract the second amount.

Interpretation

0 - 24: very unsure of himself;

25 - 48: more unsure than confident;

49 - 72: average confidence value;

73 - 96: self-confident;

97 - 120: too self-confident.

Every day we are exposed psychological pressure from all sides, so it is important for us to know how strong our internal position is.

Take this test and find out your current level and degree of self-confidence!

Select one image from each block that you like best. Don't analyze, choose what you focus on first.

Calculate your points and view the results.

View your results

From 8 to 13 points

Now your style of behavior depends primarily on the opinions of others. You get discouraged easily and with great difficulty you can force yourself to do something you don't like. The word “must” unsettles me. Suspiciousness prevents you from establishing relationships with people. This is not to say that you are the master of your decisions. At the same time, you are too sensitive, you are led by your emotions. Low degree of self-confidence.

From 14 to 20 points

You strive to find your way, although for now you are swimming more and more with the flow. Able to critically evaluate their actions. So those around you cannot influence you if they do not have arguments convincing enough for you. If common sense tells you that the position you defended is harmful to you, then you are able to abandon it. Good balance and a fair degree of self-confidence.

From 21 to 27 points

Deep down, you consider yourself always right and infallible. But you are also subject to external influence. There are two or three people who are significant to you, before whose opinions you give in and give up your positions. And yet, having rational and analytical thinking, strive to find a middle ground between your own views and the situations that life puts before you. What helps is what you instinctively choose the right way. Self-confidence is above average.

From 28 to 34 points

It is very difficult for you to give up your views and principles, even if you see that you are wrong. The more someone tries to influence you, the stronger the resistance. But, most likely, behind your external perseverance lies not so much self-confidence as the fear of getting into an unpleasant situation and “causing fire on yourself.”

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