Center for Crisis Psychological Aid. “Let's hit with a smile on infantilism and indifference! Books and publications

How to help a person who has experienced the death of a loved one? How to deal with pain and despair during illness? How to protect a person from suicide? What is true love? Are psychologists needed at temples?

Conversation with the head of the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya Mikhail Khasminsky.

An unusual combination - the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Temple. This is perhaps even the only such center at the temple of the Russian Orthodox Church?

No, not the only one, now in Moscow there are two more such centers, though somewhat different from us. Our Center was the first: in 2006 His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II blessed its creation. Two subsequent centers were already created by His Holiness Patriarch Kirill and are mainly engaged in helping in family crises. Such a phenomenon is no longer a rarity, I often travel to various regions, dioceses and see that such communities gather there too. Most recently, Metropolitan Tikhon of Novosibirsk and Berdsk created a community of Orthodox psychologists, and a Crisis Center is being created under him. Thus, this phenomenon can already be called a kind of vector or trend.

- How can you, psychologists, be useful to priests?

In this case, the task is to be useful, first of all, not to priests, but to parishioners. Psychologists lead a large and serious social work helping people. In fact, this is part of counseling, not spiritual, but psychological. People often find themselves in difficult situations, serious crises, and the priest cannot deal with the psychological component of these crises, if only because this is what no one taught him. Of course, practice can be obtained through the service itself, but some specially trained people are also needed who could help a person who thinks, for example, of suicide. I assure you that such people go to churches and seek help there. And very few clergymen are able to help them, I emphasize here the word "churchly", because they are not only clergymen. Unfortunately, very often a person in crisis turns to “behind a shop” and meets there people who are completely unprepared to provide such assistance. This can be compared to the situation when a person comes to the doctor's office, goes to take clothes into the wardrobe, and there the cloakroom attendant says to him: “Don’t go to the doctor, I’ll tell you what and how to do now.” And when we ask people why they listened to them, they answer that everything is sacred in the church! Such a deep trust in the Church leads to the fact that even a grandmother in a church shop is endowed with certain sacred properties, but to be honest, this is not always justified. Therefore, there must be people who are able to provide really effective help, and not just as psychologists, but at the same time as missionaries, and, of course, the approach must be from an Orthodox point of view.

- Please tell us how you came to this work.

The center was established with the blessing of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II, the initiator was the rector of our courtyard, Archimandrite Augustine, and was actively supported in this endeavor by the current Metropolitan of Murom. I came from an oncological center, where I worked for several years, helping specifically cancer patients. There were practically no conditions for work there, it was very difficult - there were almost no offices, there was nothing. However, the school there was excellent, especially since I combined this work with volunteering in a hospice for children. There it immediately became clear that psychological theories are often divorced from life. With the help of theory, you can get PhD degrees, write abstracts for conferences and, thus increasing your status, move forward. But in practice, it is impossible to help patients with theses. My colleagues and I found some methods and used them, but in the end, all methods rested on the person's worldview, on how the person perceived the disease, how he experienced it. His somatic status was directly dependent on his spiritual state.
It was then that I myself began to come closer and closer to Orthodoxy. It so happened that up to that moment I "understood everything" and respected, but I was far enough from this and unchurched. And then I realized that in this case it is simply necessary. My churching began, a deeper work in this direction, I began to understand some interconnections that were not obvious to me before. It turned out so well that it was at that moment that a request appeared, and I became the head of the Center for Crisis Psychology, since then our group of psychologists has been working for 8 years already.
Our science is new, but there have always been crises, respectively, and there have always been solutions to crises. It should be noted that people have always lost loved ones, experienced illnesses, and with each war there was violence. Yet 200 years ago there was not a single psychologist, not a single psychiatrist, and not a single antidepressant. So if we talk about the complete indispensability of the science of psychology, then, probably, one can argue about this. People used to live more harmoniously than they do now - in our time, according to some estimates, in very successful Western countries, about 40% of the adult population regularly use antidepressants. Even if not 40%, but 20% of the population, this is still a colossal figure, and this fact makes you think.
On the other hand, I cannot say that our science was completely unnecessary and useless. Crisis psychology is developing. What is a crisis from the point of view of psychology? This is when mentally normal person falls into abnormal circumstances for himself. For example, the death of loved ones is a very abrupt move beyond the frame of reference to which a person is accustomed. The same applies to the experience of violence and serious illness. Suicidal thoughts, strictly speaking, are more related to suicidology, but nevertheless they also often accompany crisis states.
In principle, a crisis can be considered, oddly enough, and marriage is also a very sharp turn in life, when old behavioral norms can no longer work, and new ones have not yet formed. The same applies to the psychology of refugees, this topic, unfortunately, is now relevant, and we also work with it and conduct various activities, including educational ones.
Despite the fact that in various educational institutions this is taught, it must be said that, judging by the textbook on crisis psychology, it will be basically one theory: how it looks like, what are the gradations of states, relationships, and so on. However, practically nothing is said about how to really help people in such conditions. For example, a person died - secular psychology cannot work here. Symptomatically, you can relieve tension, but helping a person is fundamentally: to understand where his loved one has gone and what to do now is impossible. In any case, frustration appears - the inability to achieve any result. That is why almost no one helps people with grief.
If you look in general, a huge number of psychologists help with neuroses, change behavior, and are engaged in career guidance. What to do when grief comes? Of course, there are specialists who declare that they can help in grief, but I have not yet seen a psychologist working in a secular manner who could effectively help in case of severe grief of a person, and we have such potential. Naturally, the point is not in our super-knowledge, but in the foundation on which we are based. If we introduce a missionary element in a certain way, help a person integrate into the Orthodox faith, then he receives a colossal resource, and receives it from God himself, which determines the effectiveness with which we work.
All this does not mean that we force everyone to be baptized, receive communion, and so on. Each person makes his own decision. Often I have to say: “You know, you are in despair, you think about very bad things. You grieve so much, and you are offered a certain way. In fact, this is a helping hand, why are you pushing her away? Actually, what are you risking if you grab hold of it? I can roughly tell you where you need to grab, and you yourself grab. If it helps you, you will know that it works. " Very many, according to sober reasoning, this is how they perceive the situation and follow this path.

- Who can contact your Center, what problems do people most often address?

Any person in a crisis situation can contact our Center. And the problem must be really serious. The fact is that we do not have the opportunity to deal with people who are, for example, in a state of chronic neurosis that is not associated with a crisis. We have designated our specialization as follows: helping people grieving, grieving - with the loss of a loved one, with severe divorces; psychological assistance to people with serious illnesses, refugees, people who survived violence. We are ready to work on the entire spectrum of crisis conditions, we try not to take easy cases.

- Tell us a little about the staff of the Center.

We have five psychologists, all Orthodox people, leading a church life. Of the most famous names, I will name the wonderful psychologist Lyudmila Fedorovna Ermakova, whom many people know. Of course, we keep in touch with specialists from other centers, we all more or less know each other.

- Are your services free?

Yes, everything is completely free with us, anyone can come, if you wish, you can leave donations, no one forbids this. But our services are certainly free from the very beginning of the Center's existence.

It's no secret that it is impossible to overcome grief in one go. In your experience, how long have you been leading the person who comes to you?

Everything is designed for a fairly quick effect. Personally, I usually have two, maximum three consultations. This in psychoanalysis the patient is conducted for three to four years, but during this time any crisis will pass by itself. Our specificity is that you need to help efficiently and precisely quickly. And here it is important to clearly, at the very first consultation, understand what the problem is. The task is not to turn grief itself into joy. Black grief, which for some reason “went wrong”, needs to be directed in a different direction, so that it eventually ends with light grief about the deceased person. It is necessary to find where the grief is going wrong. If the process proceeds correctly, in accordance with the stages that are conditioned for mourning, then one should not even interfere. If the process goes wrong, then you need to point out, explain, give some materials. We often encourage people to work independently, because no psychologist can do everything for a person, in any case, the inner work of the patient himself is important.

You and your colleagues are “piece copies” after all. All over the country, people need such specialists, but often they simply do not find them. As far as I know, you travel a lot to the regions and give many training seminars, including for priests. What is the purpose of these classes, and can the priests provide psychological assistance after that?

With the blessing of the ruling bishops in many regions, I have already conducted seminars devoted to the analysis of the mistakes of pastoral counseling and certain resources that modern conditions shepherds could use it much more efficiently. What are the main topics we are discussing? Take guilt feelings as an example. Sometimes the shepherd, without understanding, can impose an excessive sense of guilt on a person. All people and everyone is wrong. This does not mean that all priests are wrong, it just happens that a very small percentage of cases are enough, but difficult. An analogy can be given: it is enough for a good surgeon to make a mistake 10 times out of 1000 cases, but these will be serious mistakes. Therefore, it is best to do prevention here.
In addition, we talk about what tools and psychological knowledge can be used. There is an opinion that priests should know various theories, for example, personality theories and so on. And, in fact, why? We offer priests exactly practical materials, which they can easily understand without special psychological education and then use in practice. We present all this in an understandable and convenient form. As far as I know, all the participants in the seminars and the ruling bishops are very pleased with them.

We are on television, so I can't help but ask what role television plays in terms of psychological state man?

Television is a kind of tool. It's like asking what role does an ax play in a person's life? You can do very good and very bad things with an ax, depending on whose hands it is. It is very important for a person to form the environment in which he lives, and first of all, informational. We are all people, and in psychology it is absolutely precisely established that we are imitative, social creatures. If we see that there is only one sin around, then it is easier to cross the line. And sin pours from TV screens a lot and often. Although it should be noted that some kind of turning point has now been outlined, programs that are important and interesting from the point of view of moral content began to appear. I'm not even talking about the Soyuz TV channel, which has long been known as the mouthpiece of morality and responsibility. I see that in some places the situation is starting to change. In general, I and all our specialists often visit television, on central and non-central channels, so to some extent we also take an active part in this process.

How to protect yourself from the bad influence of central TV channels, if it is present? Don't look at all or look selectively?

I think there is no single recipe - everything is determined by the spiritual and moral core. If it is there, a person can protect himself from dirt, he is able to distinguish this dirt. A broad outlook is also important. If the vision is narrowed, then the person will bury himself in the “box” and think that the whole world is exactly the way it is shown. When the horizon is broader, a person has more room to maneuver in order not to succumb to such a temptation.

Decryption: Tatiana Bashilova

Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky - famous Russian crisis psychologist, the initiator of the organization of a special center in Moscow at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ (the area of ​​the metro stations "Baumanskaya", "Semenovskaya") and its leader.

Biography

Mikhail Igorevich born in 1969. He is married and has a son.

As for the profession, in the past he was a police major. Educated as a psychologist at the Academy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia. Has experience working with children with oncology.

Orthodox psychologist, initiator of the development of such a trend in modern psychology like psycho-oncology.

About the Center for Crisis Psychology

It is one of the earliest institutions of this type. Created over 10 years ago. The best Orthodox psychologists work in the crisis center, helping almost everyone who addresses any issue (problems in family relationships, fears, etc.) obsessive thoughts, violence, natural disaster, stress and so on). Help is provided to both adults and children, both believers (of different religious groups) and atheists.

The attitude of the staff to everyone is equal, regardless of what kind of payment the person who applied was able to allocate and whether he allocated it at all.

According to crisis psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky, the best reward for work is sincere gratitude and shining eyes of the healed.

Activity

This outstanding person, in addition to his main activity aimed at serving God through direct help to people, is also the author of many books, publications, interviews.

Many of his articles are translated and published in English, Ukrainian, German, Romanian, Chinese and Serbian.

Conducts field seminars with practical work, teaches, is engaged in the promotion of spiritual knowledge through the Internet space.

Professional interests

The activity of psychologist Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky is aimed at providing:

1. Psychological assistance to adults who are experiencing separation or divorce from a loved one.
2. Rehabilitation assistance for those experiencing the stress of loss loved one(death).
3. Support for patients with complex somatic diseases.
4. Suicide prevention assistance through specific psychological work.
5. Victims in the territory of hostilities, natural disasters, terrorist acts.
6. Help for adults and children who have experienced an extreme traumatic situation.

• implementation of work via Skype, promotion of information about spiritual values ​​through an Internet resource;
• organization of volunteer activities;
• implementation of work in the segment of the section of social psychology - the psychology of the crowd.

Books and publications

Each edition of the crisis psychologist Khasminsky Mikhail Igorevich is the stages of his formation as a person, outstanding personality, a psychologist. And although some of them were written a long time ago, they are still relevant today, since they reflect the pressing issues of modern society.

About the books by Mikhail Khasminsky on topics:

Psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky about freedom

In the usual sense of this word, freedom means the absence of any limiting factors that can affect the decision-making, action, and so on.

But a person lives in a social environment that changes periodically over the course of his life. And he would like to feel absolutely free from other people, their influences, but this cannot be until the end, since every human being is a part of society.

According to psychologist Khasminsky, real freedom is freedom from attachments to money, power, and the opinions of others. That is, from the so-called passions in the Bible scripture.

Real freedom comes to a person when he learns the truth that makes him free. And there can be only one dependence in life - from the loving Heavenly Father.

About infantility

Also, according to Mikhail Khasminsky, in modern society a problem has ripened concerning the infantilism of adults. Especially men.

There are several reasons for this. The very first and foremost are single-parent families, where the mother (and grandmother) often brings up sons. This is precisely what gives rise to the problem of the infantilism of the growing boy. After all, responsibility must be learned from early childhood. Then every man will be mature and adult.

According to the psychologist, a simple way of observation helps to distinguish a truly adult person from an infantile one: if a person comes to a rehabilitation center (or a church) seemingly for help, but does nothing, but only pours out mental problems and seeks for whom If you want to take full responsibility for yourself and your life, then this is a clear sign of immaturity.

As a rule, consultations are given certain tasks of a practical nature that must be completed. And when a person does something (even if he doesn’t really succeed), wants to really change, then you can help him, and this already speaks of some maturity.

Dear friends!

The author is the head of the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Patriarch's Compound of the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya Mikhail I. family psychology.

The cycle is designed for those who wish to get married, who already have problems in marriage, who do not have normal relationships with loved ones, who have fallen into love addiction, as well as for those who want to understand exactly how to create a family in the future. relationship. The seminar will also be of interest to those who are going through a period of separation or divorce.

In just a few months you will learn the most important things for building or maintaining a family, make new friends, and gain invaluable experience. Important rules will be discussed in detail to prevent a relationship crisis and help to overcome it if it occurs, and interesting life situations will be analyzed. In addition to heartfelt conversations, there will be interesting tests, as well as practical tasks. The seminars will provide meaningful, specific advice and recommendations for each specific case. Students will receive answers to questions, not only within the course, but also in individual consultations with the author of the seminars.

Seminars are being built on the lecture part, trainings, various interesting tests, projective techniques, analysis specific situations and informal communication. For example, after a seminar, there is always a traditional tea drinking with a discussion

Classes are fun, informative, not boring, and most importantly interesting.

Without what foundation the family will not be strong;

Who can become your second "half"

What is the difference between love and love addiction;

What is betrayal, jealousy, fear, guilt, and how to get them under control;

How to relate correctly to feelings and emotions, what is their role in human life;

What is harmony, happiness in the family and how to achieve them;

How to deal with separation and divorce;

How to defeat obsessive destructive thoughts;

How to forgive insults and avoid conflicts;

How not to get caught, and if you get hit, how to get out of secondary benefits and imaginary dead ends;

What are the characteristics of the victim's behavior in the family,

What are the types of manipulations between husband and wife and how to counteract them;

How and where to get acquainted to create a family;

Safe psychotherapeutic techniques for every day

Men and women of all ages and religions (or lack thereof) are welcome.

People who are going through a serious conflict in a relationship find it most beneficial to come together rather than one by one.

The number of participants is limited (maximum 17 people)

The "Stop Rule" will be in effect all the time - each of the participants has the right to tell something to the other members of the group solely at their own request.

Seminars will be held weekly on Wednesdays from 19.00 to 22.00 for 3 months

Registration fee per person for each lesson - 500 rubles.

Location: Moscow, Semenovskaya metro station, Izmailovskoe shosse, 2 (500 m from Semenovskaya metro station)

You can sign up for a group, ask or clarify your questions by calling 8-909 978 5881.

As soon as the group is formed, you will be called back in advance and invited to the first lesson.

Waiting for you!

Reference: Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky

Head of the Center for Crisis Psychology, created with the blessing of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II at the Patriarchal Courtyard of the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semyonovskaya in 2006.

Orthodox crisis psychologist. Editor-in-chief of the online magazine "Russian Orthodox Psychology". Chief editor of the Memoriam.ru website.

Member of the Association of Oncological Psychologists of Russia.

Leading expert of the portals of practical crisis Orthodox psychology memoriam.ru and boleem.com. perejit.ru, pobedish.ru vetkaivi.ru and other sites of the group (with a total average traffic of 50,000 unique visitors daily). This group sites is the main one in the direction of providing psychological assistance in the Russian-speaking segment of the Internet.

Co-author and author of over 11 popular books, as well as many publications and interviews on Orthodox psychology. Compiled a series of books for the grief-stricken. Many materials on crisis Orthodox psychology have been translated and published in English, Romanian, Chinese, Ukrainian, German... The book “Siguran oslonac u krizi” was published in Serbian language, consisting of articles, interviews and publications.

http://foma.ru/psiholog-v-hrame.html

"Psychological service at the church "- for many, this combination looks exotic. However, in Moscow such a service has existed for eight years, and the flow of people who come to Orthodox psychologists for help is growing every year.
What kind of help are they looking for? Why are church ordinances not enough for them in the church? How do the priests feel about the activities of the service? These and other questions are answered by the head of the service, Orthodox psychologist Irina Nikolaevna MOSHKOVA.

Reference. A psychological service appeared at the Life-Giving Source Orthodox Center in 1996. The center itself arose on the basis of the family Sunday school of the church in honor of the icon of the Mother of God "Life-Giving Source" in Tsaritsyn. The headmaster of the school is Irina Nikolaevna Moshkova, candidate of psychological sciences, specialist in the field of family psychology. Confessor - rector of the church in honor of the icon of the Mother of God "Life-Giving Spring" Archpriest. Georgy Breev. The psychological counseling center employs four specialists. Reception is also conducted on the basis of the Tsaritsyn Center social service at the Department of Social, Psychological and Pedagogical Assistance to Families and Children, opened in 1988 thanks to Orthodox specialists.

To a psychologist or to confession?

How do you yourself feel, what is the attitude of the Church towards psychology?
- At the time when I was churched, the Church was just beginning to revive (it was about 85-86 years) and has not yet determined its position on many issues of modern scientific knowledge... At that time, the attitude to psychology was wary or even negative - it was perceived as a pseudoscience. Then I was in a sense urged to give up my profession.
Now the situation has changed. As you know, in the Russian Orthodox University John the Theologian, the Faculty of Psychology was opened. Its dean, priest Andrei Lorgus, is a former graduate of the Faculty of Psychology at Moscow State University. Students of the St. Tikhon Theological Institute come to our practice. There is a specialty there - social pedagogy, which is unthinkable without taking into account age and family psychology.
At the Christmas readings there is a section "Christian Anthropology and Psychology", which brings together believing specialists. There are priests who have received psychological education and combine it with their ministry. There is a positive experience of interaction between a priest and a psychologist.

- Why modern man need a psychologist? After all, they used to do without them.
- We live in such a stormy rhythm that we often find ourselves unable to put in order the life of our soul. Our vanity, multi-care leads to the fact that we cannot think of anything, speak to the end, our thoughts just "jump" in our heads, feelings have just flared up and have already extinguished. We are in public all the time. There are also no conditions at home so that we can just be alone and somehow organize our inner world. As soon as we retired, someone disturbed us again: the phone rings, the TV is on ... We talk in a hurry, communicate with just anyone, we do it without thinking, and then we regret. And this confusion, chaos of experiences, events are intertwined in some kind of lump, a person feels bad, and he cannot understand why.
The task of a psychologist is to help a person do the job of organizing his life. The initial dialogue often happens like this: a person tells something, cries, has difficulty formulating his thoughts, recalls childhood and at the same time talks about the present. And the psychologist should see a logical chain in all this mixed in a pile of material and show a person the hidden motives of his behavior. Indeed, it often happens that we think one thing, say another, do a third, do not understand ourselves, do not see moments of contradiction. If it comes O family conflict- you need a person with whom the main characters could calmly, confidentially talk, think over their life.

“Isn't having a good friend enough for all this?
- Still, special knowledge is also needed here - for example, on developmental psychology... Because one thing is the problems of a preschooler, another thing is a teenager, or a boy, or a girl. A psychologist helps parents figure this out, especially since a teenager, for example, may not go to a consultation with his mother, and the relationship is reaching a dead end.
A psychologist, knowing the laws of communication, knows how to arrange a person to contact, to build a conversation in such a way that a dialogue is obtained, so that a person who suffers, is sick, worries, is looking for a solution, can determine his main vital positions. And the psychologist must be able to analyze the story based on the story, build the correct generalization. Not every person, not every friend is capable of this.
But there is an important factor: an Orthodox psychologist is needed. It happens that in a critical situation a friend gives some kind of advice not from the point of view of the Law of God, but from the point of view of common sense. Let's say a husband cheated on his wife. A woman seeks compassion, talks about it with pain. And a friend or girlfriend says: "Come on, spit on him, change it yourself! Live your life!"
On the one hand, this advice is given "as a consolation." On the other hand, what kind of advice! Often people come to our reception who not only talked with their friends, but also attended consultations with non-believers and received similar recommendations. The person calmed down, began to follow these advice, and his own actions fell on his conscience with new pain, completely unbearable. To the feeling that "I am the victim" was added the feeling that "I am the culprit." In this case, the situation becomes so confused, the person suffers, cries, he does not want to live, but he does not know what to do and how to behave.

- But if this is a believer, he probably needs to run to confession, and not to a psychologist?
- Actually, the point of our work with a person is to prepare him for communication with a priest. We are not in any way a substitute for the priestly ministry, we are simply helping the person to do this initial work of meditating on own life so that he can find pain points of his own "I", which help him later to repent. As long as a person lives in the feeling of a "victim" and believes that it is not his fault that his life did not work out, but someone else (husband, parents or child), this will not work. A person will come to confession, but not with repentance, but with a desire to justify himself, cry into his waistcoat and tell how evil and cruel everyone is around. The priest asks him: "Do you yourself understand that you are a sinner?" But a person suffers from resentment, he sincerely does not understand: but, in fact, what should he apologize for or repent of? Everyone should apologize to him! He cultivates in himself this resentment, claims and grumbling in relation to everyone around him.
Those. a person comes to church, but he is not ready for confession, he is not ready to change himself and his way of life. Our task is to help a person to come to this point of view, to rid him of the feeling of "victim" and to show that in fact he is responsible for his life, that the dead end or crisis in which he found himself is the result of his own choice.
A priest can seriously reprimand such an "offended", unprepared person for confession, say: "Why are you taking your time here, distracting? Look how many people are behind your back!" And it happens that this causes such a stupor in the future - a person will never take a step towards the temple. His soul hurts, he cannot tell it, he does not have a feeling of his guilt, he also does not understand how to live with this pain. And the person begins to "swallow air".
At this moment, if the priest does not help, and the Orthodox psychologist does not meet on the way, they will go to psychics, sorcerers, according to the advertisements: "I will open - I will charm", "I will return my beloved" - please, they will heal any diseases ...

- Ie is a psychologist's consultation a compulsory measure to help people who are churched?
- This is a feature of modern church life: a lot of people come to churches, priests have a huge load. The contact of a parishioner with a priest at confession is extremely short - a few minutes, and the soul is overwhelmed with some feelings, thoughts, experiences ... Sometimes a priest, even from a few words, gives an instant assessment of a person's spiritual state. If a person comes in a state of mental anguish, fatigue, despair, depression, the priest, limiting himself to short words, imposes an epitrachelion, reads the prayer of permission, realizing that perhaps more years and decades will pass before the person returns to normal.
The priest calls on the person to begin within himself independent work make, make some efforts: "Pray, humble yourself, endure, go to meet the person who is enmity against you." But in practice, this can be difficult to do. When a person encounters dislike, misunderstanding, hostility, he quickly despairs, gets offended, and after two or three unsuccessful attempts to normalize relations, he loses the feeling that it is expedient, that it is worthwhile to strain so much.

- How can a psychologist help in this case?
- On the one hand - to listen, to understand. This requires, of course, the deepest sympathy, trust, sympathy for the interlocutor, whatever he may be. He may smell like fumes, he may be a person with a torn psyche, taking handfuls of medicine, he may have already made several suicide attempts, etc. - we must be able to build contact with him.
And the second, very important part is the ability to strengthen a person, support and bring out of the state of loss, bitterness, crushing, feeling of "sacrifice". You need to be able to delicately show him that in fact no one else, namely he himself, in many respects confused this situation or led it to such a dramatic development, suggest why the efforts made do not bring results and what other opportunities are there to remedy the situation.

- It turns out that a psychologist is needed very often. And when is it not needed?
- When a person already clearly understands the purpose and meaning of his life, when he has already figured out the tasks of salvation and he himself is already working to correct his own soul. In this case, even if he has serious problems, the advice of a confessor, blessings, support, regular confession, and the sacrament is enough for him.

- Does it happen that the priest himself directs a person to you?
“With the blessing of a priest, people constantly come to us with various family problems. Quite recently, for example, a priest sent a mother with many children to us - she has eight children. There, parents with each child and between the children themselves have their own complicated relationship, so I had to draw a whole diagram in order to understand all this and keep it in memory ...
There are even more unexpected situations. This is not the first time that clergy have turned to us for advice on raising children. There have been enough such cases for eight years of work. A priest who leads a great pastoral activity in his own family is excluded from the process of raising a child. He can be present at home, but not find any mental strength in order to draw, walk, play sports with him. So it turns out that "a shoemaker without boots": it is sometimes easier to instruct and guide spiritual children than to establish contact with your own - even the only - child.

Diseases of the century

Do people come to you with a mental disorder?
- Yes. Moreover, one employee of our service is a psychotherapist, medical psychologist. He is more likely than others to accept people with mental health problems. Among them there are also alcoholics who with great difficulty get out of the binge or just started drinking under the influence of some circumstances; and people are depressed, because depression has become a disease of the century - a person of absolutely any age can suffer from it.

Why has depression become so widespread?
- This is a natural consequence of godlessness, which in crisis situations creates a sense of hopelessness. A believer understands: what is impossible for a person is possible for God; through tearful prayer, combined with a heartfelt petition, the Lord can miraculously arrange my life and the life of my loved ones. For an unbeliever, despondency is often followed by despair - a state when a person ceases to fight for himself.
I have seen young people 23-25 ​​years old in a state of severe depression, when an objectively healthy person turns into a "living corpse". He can lie in bed for days or freeze in one position, he may have muscle spasms, cramps of the limbs. Fierceness, resentment, his own pride close him up, bring him to such a state where he has no thoughts, no feelings, no desires. It is extremely difficult to convince such a person to be treated. He does not consider himself ill, he does not analyze himself at all at this moment, he just stares blankly at one point. These are the very cases when the priests say: nothing will help if the Lord Himself does not intervene in the life of this person, if something does not happen, some kind of cataclysm that will pull a person out of the position of a "living dead".

- What are the real psychological problems can lead to mental illness?
- Sometimes it happens that a person endures some kind of humiliation, vilification for a long time, he obeys people who constantly neglect him or encroach on his honor and dignity. Man losing own dignity driven to a certain point of despair can either commit suicide, or kill his abuser, despite the fact that he is a close relative, or destroy his mental health.
In my practice, I have to deal with women who endure the most severe beatings from their husbands. A drunken husband swaggers or cheats on her, and in front of her eyes, bringing his wife to a state of extreme, utter humiliation. If a wife joins these sufferings with some Christian feelings, she says: “What can I do? I endure and humble myself ...” Although in fact these are the very cases when, in general, you cannot endure. After all, it is the law: you are treated the way you allow. A person suffers, but this suffering is not salvific, it leads to self-destruction - or to physical destruction. Depression is already of a clinical nature, hysteria or schizophrenia develops as chronic diseases. A person from the existing problem "goes into illness."

- How do you determine where there are psychological problems, and where is the disease?
- A person may be sick now, but he wants to get well, or he seeks to normalize relations - this is important criterion norms. Those. when there is so-called "criticism", there is an understanding of one's situation, a desire to improve the state of affairs. You cannot help a person who wants to live in his suffering and die with him, with the feeling of how bitterly and cruelly offended him. This is already a manifestation of the disease: he has become stagnant in this, there is no need to get out of an unfavorable situation.

Loneliness in the family

Your counseling session is family-oriented. What family problems do they most often come to see a psychologist with?
- These are the problems of marital relations and the problems of raising children. Very often women come with the same trouble: a drinking husband. You can imagine what it means to live with a person who comes home drunk every day, swears, fights, yells at children, does nothing around the house and, in addition, does not bring a salary. Unfortunately, there are a lot of such families now.
Women who cannot find a life partner are turning. Single women come, in love with a married man. These relationships sometimes last for years. A woman's constant struggle with herself takes her strength, she begins to feel helpless, gets nervous, does not sleep at night, cannot work, begins to hate herself, but cannot cope with the feeling in any way.

- Do you manage to break it somehow?
- Of course. Actually, for this we are working - so that a person would find the strength to analyze his life, look at himself as a Christian or a Christian, see his mistakes, mistakes, fixation on the feeling of self-pity.

But many today live with the conviction: if you are overtaken by a "great feeling", you cannot do anything about it. From the point of view of an Orthodox psychologist, can a person control any of his feelings?
- Of course - if he is a person. In the state of "individual" a person, as a rule, just does not own himself, he lives and acts, guided by the movements of passions. To our great regret, if we talk about modernity, many people in this state of "individual" live and feel great, do not strive for anything else. Actually, only when a person begins to live with God, with the help of God, he gradually takes possession of himself, he can direct his actions, his feelings and even his thoughts.

- Do only women come to you? Or men too?
- Men come all the same much less often. Many men are convinced that looking to someone for advice is a sign of weakness. Therefore, if men turn to us, then, as a rule, these are young people who do not yet have a family and who just cannot create a family. Of course, family people also apply. In a modern family, a person very often feels lonely.
There is such contemporary problem- just a scourge of many, many families. Parents come to counseling and declare: "I can't do anything with my child, I can't cope with him." And this child is sometimes four or six years old! They can't cope anymore! The child is capricious, throws tantrums, is stubborn. Parents begin to try different methods of pacifying him. Then they appease him and allow everything. The child indulges even more. Then they take him on a tightrope: they prohibit sweets or walks, severely punish him, etc. This also does not work. After that, parents resort to edification, begin to read morality - with citing Holy Scripture, if people are churched: "What kind of Christian are you?!. What kind of Christian are you?!." And this Christian may be at most seven years old. It is clear that his soul is not yet in a state to comprehend itself from this point of view. And in response, the child sometimes commits more daring actions: he can throw everything, throw icons on the floor: "I will not pray!", "I will not go to church with you!" etc.
And this is where the real panic begins, because all the tried measures do not bring results. And the parents do not see where they are wrong.

- And what are they most often mistaken about?
- In choosing a position in relation to the child: they look at him simply as an object of education, believing that he belongs to them as a kind of thing. But a child is not ours, he is from God, he is a gift from God, given to us for care, for the transfer of a positive experience of life. Parents living with the attitude "you are mine, I do whatever I want with you" do not take into account the fact that in front of them is not a toy, not a thing, but a living human soul that reacts to every parental word, which can cry, maybe emaciated, may protest. A child's soul rebelles against dislike with all its might - to the point that a real rebellion may appear and the child may leave home.
Parents complain that their children are naughty, that they do poorly at school, that they conflict with teachers, that they go out late into the evening or sit at the computer for a long time. But, as a rule, behind this there is a feeling of orphanhood with living parents, when the atmosphere in the house is such that no one needs a child. This is very relevant now, this is a very painful topic.

- What can a psychologist advise?
- Well, for example, literally before our conversation, I had a conversation at the Tsaritsyno Central Social Society. The grandmother is holding her grandson, who is only two years old, and tells about him that the child is very nervous, afraid of everything, literally does not let her go. He has a terrible diathesis, allergic reactions, bronchial asthma, he is endlessly ill ... He also has a sister who is five or six years old, but who already has whims, scenes of jealousy about this baby. It is clear that there is something in this family that hurts these children, leads them to neuropsychic stress.
It turns out that the mother gave birth to children without a husband, she has children, but there are no maternal feelings. She works from morning till night to feed her family, transferring all the care of the children onto the shoulders of her grandmother. The grandmother is forced to sit with the children, but no matter how she caresses them or undead, it is impossible to replace the mother. I say: "What if the mother works less?" She: "You know, if she does less work, she will turn on the TV and watch it." Believing that her personal life has failed, she only regrets herself.
Here is a typical picture of child orphanhood. And the grandmother is overloaded, such a double burden: the pain about her grandchildren and about her daughter (because it turns out that she did not bring her up well) - everything is woven together, this woman is constantly crying. Tells and cries.
After such a conversation, our task is to induce the grandmother to take action, not just to lament, not just to cry, but to show her that, yes, it all happened so that now you cannot count on your own daughter. On the one hand, with the help of Sunday school, we can give grandmother an understanding of what a person is called to, as God intended him to be. On the other hand, the grandmother needs an understanding that a new cross has been laid on her, for which she was not internally ready - neither spiritually nor psychologically. She must come to terms with the presence of this cross and fill the gap that her daughter has created. The grandmother must herself find the meaning of life, and lead the children through life at least at this first stage.
Experienced Sunday school teachers will help grandmother understand how to communicate with children so that they calm down, gain peace of mind, spiritually enlighten, and develop creatively. The most important thing is that through Sunday school the road to the temple opens, to the opportunity to participate in the sacraments. Moreover, it is important to overcome hatred, hostility towards the daughter. She needs a loving, patient care on the part of her mother, a prayer for the salvation of her soul, so that she, as a person, does not completely collapse and nevertheless takes up the upbringing of children. And I am sure that if grandmother dares to take such a step, there will already be positive changes in this house by the end of the year.
We constantly see such grandmothers raising grandchildren instead of their daughters. Only in some cases can a mother be suicidal, in others - go to prison.

- Do many people manage to really help - change the situation, find themselves, find their way to the temple?
- Of course! It is already impossible to count how many such people there were in eight years of work. And sometimes nothing has even changed, the situation as it was, and remained, but - a new understanding was born that I am not just a grain of sand in this situation, which does not mean anything, that I can change something with the help of God - and a person leaves grateful, calls after a while: "You know, I thought (or I thought) ... but let me try!" It costs a lot.

Interviewed by Inna KARPOVA