How to completely change yourself and how to start a happy life. How to change yourself completely, practical steps What you can change in yourself

There are always plenty of reasons to start life from scratch. For example, you ended an unhealthy and humiliating relationship and now want to turn the page and forget your ex-partner like a bad dream. Or perhaps you are not satisfied with the current state of affairs and dream of moving to another country. French Psychological Encyclopedia useful tips offers a universal sequence of actions for all occasions.

Stage 1. Make a decision

1. Identify your motives

Think carefully about the reasons that motivate you to dramatic changes in life. Some of them will be more significant, some less.

For example, you are left alone in an empty house for the first time in many years: the children have grown up and moved away. In this case, the desire to rebuild your life is completely natural. You no longer have to take care of children, it's time to think about yourself.

But maybe you want to change your life to protect yourself from unpleasant experiences. In this case, external changes are unlikely to help, because they will not solve your internal problems. Emotional baggage will follow you wherever you go. globe. Before you try to start new life, you need to deal with it.

2. Analyze all recent important events your life

What happened to you in lately? Wedding, death of a family member, loss of a friend or job, significant change in financial or health status, moving, pregnancy?

All of these events may have deeply affected your emotions. Some of them made you happier, others caused severe stress and anxiety.

If you have recently gone through something similar, it would be wiser to hold off on accepting important decision.

Especially if we're talking about about the death of a loved one. Give yourself time to get over your grief. Mourning is a necessary stage without which you will not be able to survive the traumatic event. There is no need to rush to forget everything and move on.

To successfully start a new life, it is necessary to revise old habits. Make sure that the changes you expect are based on worthy motives and not on a desire to escape from the past. After all, in the end, running away does not solve problems.

Maybe you are used to ignoring conflicts and problems? What is your first reaction to stressful situation? Do you stick to your beliefs, goals and plans during difficult times?

4. Look at your value scale

Values ​​are your beliefs about yourself, others and life in general. They are like a road map of your life's journey.

Before you make a decision that will completely change the course of your life, it is worth reconsidering your values. Only by understanding what you really want can you determine your priorities.

Ask yourself a few questions. For example, about two people you admire. Which of their qualities command your respect? Why? How might this affect your own life? Listen to what these people have to say and identify the topics that inspire you most or make you want to take action.

The answers to these questions will help you understand your own values: ambition, desire for new things, attitude towards social justice, etc.

Don't forget that there are no high or low personal values. One may value flexibility, while another may value stability most. Both choices are correct if they are definitely yours and not imposed from the outside! The question is to understand who you really are and live in accordance with your true aspirations.

5. Determine the scale of the desired changes

For some, starting a new life may mean moving house, new friends, a new job, etc. For others, it may be changing old habits and lifestyles.

Think about why you are unhappy or disappointed. To change the status quo, is global change necessary, or is it smarter to focus on one or two issues?

Don't forget: if you start small and build up the pace, you have a much greater chance of success than if you try to become a different person right here and now.

6. Practice improving your self

Imagine your life at a certain point in the future in every detail.

• What will your environment be like?
• Where will you live?
• What will you do?
• What to feel?

Try to create as clear a picture as possible.

Let's say you're a famous musician, you have your own band and you tour around the world. different countries with performances.

Now think about it what strengths and skills are needed to achieve your goal.

• What do you already have?
• What do you lack knowledge about?

Be as honest with yourself as possible.

For example, if you like the profession of a musician, do you have at least a slight inclination towards it or do you just like the idea itself?

Be realistic about your future. Obviously, you can't become Superman even if you set your mind to it.

But if a superhero story aligns with your values, who's stopping you from being inspired by his example? For example, if you like Superman's desire for justice, you can also fulfill this mission by working as a policeman or judge. Are you attracted to your character's physical strength? In this case, you can improve your fitness by joining a gym. Or even later become a coach and help other people get into sports.

7. Set goals

As Lao Tzu said, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” The first step of your journey is to identify the steps it will take to change your life.

Plan what you will do in six months, a year, three years, five years, ten years, twenty years or more.

Set yourself clear, realistic, reasonable goals and limit the time for yourself to achieve them.

Start by identifying the main goal, then break it down into smaller ones and turn them into specific tactical objectives.

Let's say you want to fight for justice, so you decide to become a police officer. By making this decision, you have simply identified your main goal. To achieve it you must implement many intermediate ones:

• improve your physical fitness to pass physical entrance examinations;
• make inquiries about how to get into the police academy, etc.

When setting goals, make sure you are as specific and precise as possible.

Stage 2. Start the change

To start a new life, you may need to change many aspects of your life: physique, emotions, place of residence, social status, financial situation, profession, etc.

1. Determine the scope of change

For significant change, the list of goals and tactical objectives can be very long. But if your goal is limited, for example, solely to finding a new job, there may be much fewer points.

2. Create a plan to change your appearance.

For some, improving health or fitness is a new start in life. The good news is that bodily changes are usually not too difficult to implement. Develop healthy habits, lose extra pounds, strengthen muscles - all this can be done realistically by discussing with your doctor what measures will suit you best.

Express yourself through the way you dress. Your clothes convey to others your attitude towards yourself, and they perceive you in the same way. Change your image in accordance with the picture of yourself in the future that you drew in your head, and it will be easier to achieve your goal.

3. Deal with emotional baggage

This step may take some time. Keep in mind that this is an ongoing process that lasts a lifetime.

By changing your behavior and learning to manage your emotions, you can get rid of excess burden and look at the world from a different angle.

Here are some ideas to help you in this endeavor.

Keep a gratitude journal. Learn to be grateful for what you have, and at the same time learn to adapt to changes faster, improve your physical condition and even the quality of your sleep, become more satisfied with life and be able to overcome the consequences of some traumatic events.

Farewell. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of painful and destructive situations in which you have lived. You forgive others for your own sake. You need forgiveness first of all - it helps you cope with anger and anxiety.

Wear mourning. Allow yourself to “mourn” and experience the grief of loss as much as you need, do not try to speed it up for the sake of public opinion. The period of mourning is absolutely normal and requires time and patience. Recognize that your grief deserves your full attention.

Take care of yourself. Recognize that you have needs, just like everyone else, and satisfying them is not selfish, but necessary. You don't have to accept every invitation or respond to every request. It's okay to take time just for yourself.

4. Consider a change of scenery

Change of environment, be it new job, a new circle of friends or a new place of residence, teaches greater independence and flexibility. By breaking out of your routine, you improve your performance and increase your chances of success.

5. Conduct an audit of your environment

If your environment demoralizes you, it will be difficult to start a new happy life. Perhaps, after honestly assessing how the people around you influence you, you will decide to no longer communicate with some of them for your own safety and peace of mind.

How to understand that a person is showing hidden hostility towards you:

Surround yourself with people from whom you find the understanding, respect and love you deserve.

6. Get your relationships in order

Don't hesitate to leave an unhealthy relationship that doesn't bring you happiness. This will start you on the path to a new, happier and healthier life.

Here are some ideas how to leave a toxic relationship:

• Talk to the person frankly. In some cases, he may not understand that he is causing you pain or stress. Be open and honest and try to understand whether he is ready to compromise. If not, he has no business being in your life.
• Evaluate the benefits of the relationship. Of course, it is one thing to refuse communication with an unpleasant neighbor and quite another to cut off all ties with your parents. Before you end a relationship, see if it brings you something you need, even if it is full of difficulties and negativity. Conversely, just because a relationship is enjoyable does not necessarily mean it is beneficial for you.
• Prioritize relationships that make you happy. Make a list of people who can help you and bring the happiness and harmony you strive for. Strengthen these relationships.
• Stop communication. If you decide that the relationship is not healthy for you, tell the person that you have decided to end it. You no longer have to maintain communication: neither talk to this person, nor contact him on social networks, nor even think about him.

7. Get your finances sorted

Even if your work experience is more than 30 years, and your income has not changed significantly over the past recent years, it's never too late to change your financial situation.

First, determine why you need money. Are you saving for real estate? Do you want to create a financial cushion for retirement? Or are you planning to open your own business? Or maybe you just want to learn how to manage your finances and stop wasting money?

The first step is to determine exactly what property and income you have. This will help you make the right decisions financial solutions. You may need to seek advice from a financial expert.

8. Up the career ladder

A new job is a great opportunity to create a new you. Many continue to hold on to unloved and boring jobs. Although changes in professional field favorable for starting a new life, like nothing else.

Take into account your skills and current abilities. What are your qualifications? What area is it in? In what ways are you superior to others?

For example, you are a sociable person, what motivates you most is communicating with people, but your current job does not give you this opportunity. So something needs to change!

Don't limit yourself to your current one professional field. It's never too late to find your calling!

Let's say you decide to become a psychotherapist or teacher so you can constantly have contact with other people. The issue can be resolved by obtaining additional education.

Reconsider failures. Instead of focusing on past mistakes, consider the lessons you learned from them. They are the ones who will help you achieve success in the future.

Set your career goals wisely. This means that your goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. Determine where you want to be in six months, one year, five years. Identify ways that will help you succeed.

9. Consult others

When you have a clear idea of ​​what kind of life you want to start, it is useful to consult with people who already lead such a lifestyle. Ask questions about difficulties so you can immediately take off your rose-colored glasses and be ready for real challenges.

10. Get support

Starting a new life is always difficult. Surround yourself with people who love, respect, and are willing to help you. Often, not only close people, but also religious communities and support groups can become a support point.

Stage 3. Stay happy

1. Monitor your progress

Dedication to an idea and patience can work wonders. But transition period can be tedious and challenging. Be vigilant and track your progress.

It is useful to keep a diary. It will help you better understand your emotions and weaknesses.

Keep in mind that often radical changes in life cause depression. If you often feel sad and empty, are despondent or desperate, if you have stopped enjoying previously loved activities, have a feeling of anxiety or a tendency to self-deprecation, seek help from a specialist.

2. Adapt as you go.

Starting a new and exciting career does not mean the end of a boring and uninteresting relationship. Moving to new city doesn't mean you'll never miss your old home.

The path to change is not easy. When faced with difficulties, it is important to recognize them and adapt your plan to the changed situation.

3. If necessary, consult a psychotherapist

Even if you are sure that everything will be fine, it is often useful to simply consult with a psychotherapist if you are planning to fundamentally change your life.

Many people believe that this therapy is only suitable for patients with serious problems. In reality, it's more like a routine visit to the dentist to remove plaque. While you're dealing with minor problems, it's worth addressing them before they lead to tooth decay. A visit to a psychotherapist should not be considered a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign that you care enough about yourself.

Have a detailed plan, enlist support and, most importantly, do not put everything off until later - and you will succeed!

How to change your appearance? Every woman asks this question at least once.

It doesn’t matter what was the impetus - moving to a new place, the desire to start life from scratch, acquiring a coveted position, meeting or breaking up with a man. There is a period when transformation becomes a vital necessity.

How to change your appearance beyond recognition - where to start?

You need to understand that only a surgeon’s scalpel can make a face completely different from what it is now.

All other methods will, in any case, leave a resemblance to the original, although the acquaintances you meet may not immediately recognize you.

1. Get a tattoo. Eyebrows, lips and (or) arrows will help change the shape given by nature. In itself, such a single manipulation will not mislead anyone, but a global adjustment on all fronts, and even in combination with other methods, is easy.
2. Gain weight or lose weight. 10-15 kg quickly gained (lost) within a month or two turns girls into completely different people.
3. Get beauty injections. Rarely, there are young ladies with pronounced nasolabial folds and creases in the forehead. Injections of hyaluronic acid and Botox can remove defects and, accordingly, facial expressions will change and visually rejuvenate.

These methods are associated with serious changes in the body; it is worth considering whether it is really necessary to implement them in life. Isn't the price for lack of recognition too high?

Another question is if a lady, looking at herself in the mirror, remains chronically dissatisfied with the reflection and decides to make changes aimed at improvement.

In this case, you should start with a sober assessment of the initial data, what you don’t like about yourself, and an analysis of the paths of transformation.

Beauty is a relative concept.

IN different times existed absolutely different parameters, according to which they said about a woman whether she was good-looking or ugly. And today, what one man likes may seem unattractive and repulsive to another.

Therefore, changing to please trends or a specific person is a failed path. Everything should be done solely in order to feel inner satisfaction, the joy of living in your own body, and increase self-esteem.

Self care

The best way to improve your appearance. The habit of taking care of yourself from a young age is a reliable investment in long youth.

Grooming is a synonym for the word beauty. Regular cleansing of the skin of the face and body, using high-quality cosmetics, and working on your figure give wonderful results.

At a young age, all this may seem like an unnecessary task, not worth the effort. Eating right and training yourself to go to the gym is more difficult than drinking cola and chips while lying on the couch.

The female body after 25 years already requires careful attention, Even in nulliparous women, the breasts begin to sag, the skin becomes less elastic every year, and excess weight sticks to the sides more easily.

If natural reserves have only been spent before, then aging will occur quickly and suddenly.

By cutting your hair or dyeing your hair in a completely different tone, you can easily get the effect of unrecognizability. The result is obtained by radically changing the image.

For example, a blonde dyes her hair blue-black, or a girl with shoulder-length hair gets a boy's haircut. If you cut a long braid by 5-10 cm or change the color by one or two tones, the technique will not work.

Applying makeup

Makeup artists can paint a woman a completely different face. Using foundations, powders and bronzers of various shades, you can visually make your nose smaller, thinner, emphasize or smooth your cheekbones, change the shape of your oval, adjust your forehead and much more. This is painstaking work that requires the necessary tools and skills, but if people want, they learn everything.

Shadows change the distance between the eyes. You can move them away (light ones are applied to the inner corner, and dark ones to the outer edge of the eyelid) or bring them closer (dark ones to the bridge of the nose, light ones to the temples). The arrows help change the eye line.

A contour pencil can give your lips more volume or make them thinner.

By skillfully using cosmetics, a girl can, if not change her appearance 100%, then look different every time, depending on her mood and situation.

Those who never do makeup at all will stun those around them with a beautiful, bright makeup.

Those who prefer to constantly be in the image of a vamp woman with dark eyes, thickly painted eyelashes and red lipstick - its absence or minimum.

The purpose of the wardrobe is not only to hide nudity or prevent from freezing, but also to emphasize the advantages of the figure and create an individual image. Therefore, you should not blindly pay tribute to fashion, guided when choosing clothes by its relevance for this season, brand or price.

The color of the clothing should be flattering, and its silhouette should focus on the strengths of the figure: thin waist, beautiful chest, slender legs. It’s a shame when girls with beautiful appearance put on something shapeless and indistinct in color, instantly losing their attractiveness and femininity. Although if the goal is reincarnation, then the idea has a place.

Those who are used to seeing romantic dresses, skirts and heels can change into a sporty or military style with wide pants, rough jackets, combat boots or boots with high, thick soles. Girls who prefer jeans and sneakers should choose floor-length sundresses, ruffled blouses, and shoes with heels or wedges.

How to change your appearance in a month - action plan

It’s impossible to become different in a day, but in 30 it’s quite possible. If the idea that this is necessary is firmly ingrained in your head, then you will have enough strength to implement your plan.

First of all, a plan is drawn up: what exactly needs to be changed and what needs to be changed is written down on a piece of paper, for example:

1. Figure – remove 5 kilograms.
2. Hair – cut (how exactly), dyed (what color).

And so on all points. You should keep in mind the image that should turn out at the end. This will help you stay on track and do everything right. Do not forget that in the pursuit of the ideal, health should not suffer.

How to change yourself beyond recognition internally and externally - the best books

Why come up with something that hundreds of people have already come up with and tested in practice. If you want internal and external changes, it is worth reading the autobiographies of famous personalities who managed to reach the top in various areas of life: sports, acting, writing.

Often in such works one can find non-trivial approaches and interesting recommendations. At the end of the day, they're just motivating. What one person can do, others can do too.

Literature on popular psychology, time management, and esotericism will be useful. Not everything you read should be immediately taken on faith or implemented into your own life, but some recommendations may prove useful and inspire.

Top 5 best books to change inside:

1. Dan Waldschmidt "Be" the best version myself".
2. Alex Novak “The Book That Isn’t There.”
3. Nit Nhat Hanh “Peace in every step.”
4. Nick Vujicic “Life Without Borders.”
5. Igor Mann “Number 1. How to become the best at what you do.”

How to change beyond recognition internally: 5 effective tips

External changes without internal ones will not be complete.

In order to become a different person, you need to change your usual thinking:

1. Don’t focus on the negative, teach yourself to see the good around you every day in the little things. Remove the wrong words from your dictionary: let there be tasks instead of problems, and unexpected results instead of failures.
2. Make a personal picture of your priorities; there is no need to waste your life on what is prestigious or desired by everyone if it does not resonate in your soul.
3. Identify the “stones around your neck” that prevent you from moving to the top: doubt in your own abilities, the beliefs of your family and friends?
4. Raise your level of education and develop skills related to the desired activity. This increases self-esteem and increases the chances of winning.
5. Don't be overly categorical and demanding of yourself. A living organism is not a robot; people tend to make mistakes, get tired, and despair.

Guided by these rules, a girl can develop her character and strengthen it. A strong will helps in all areas of life. The goal should not interfere with enjoying the journey towards it, otherwise the result will be disappointment.

Conclusion

Development, self-improvement, studying oneself and the world around - the path of conscious people living without allowing anyone to impose the rules of the game on them.

They make decisions with their eyes wide open, weighing and calculating all the pros and cons, understanding the risks. Having dared to take an action, they do not allow themselves to doubt its success.

Reading time: 3 min

How to change for the better? The desire to develop is inherent in humanity by nature, and the desire for positive changes is literally inherent in everyone evolutionarily. The difference is at what stage a person begins to ask the question “how can I change for the better?” Someone is pushed to such changes by failures and criticism of others, and then the desire for improvement is a defensive reaction, a way to avoid punishment, bullying or public ignorance.

Someone changes for the sake of a certain person (to please, earn respect, build a relationship) or relationship (accepting criticism important person and choosing to make certain changes in yourself to maintain meaningful relationships). Some people are inspired by other people's examples, while others are tired of the boring gray vanity. New travels, acquaintances, films, illnesses, disasters, breakups - these are all strong incentives to start changes. Leading the list of reasons that force people to change is fear, most often the fear of loss or deprivation of the opportunity to get what they want.

The concentration and direction of changes depend on the area requiring them and the global nature of the solution. If one person has to change his place of residence and occupation in order to realize his dream (and this is a thoughtful path that brings visible results of improvement), then how can a person change for the better (in his own character, the flow of life and interactions with people) is simple updating your hairstyle or wardrobe remains a mystery.

To solve each problem there are own methods. Therefore, before you mindlessly follow the advice of ten steps to change yourself, try to understand exactly what qualities you want to change, which ones to improve, to what extent and in what direction you want and are ready to move, what you need for this and what resources you already have you have. And give in to fashion trends improving yourself when your life suits you is, to say the least, a stupid act, since in the process of change you may lose your old life that completely suited you.

How can you change your character for the better?

It consists of many habits, developed reactions and ways of responding, so it is not possible to completely change it. Trying to simultaneously get rid of all the qualities that you consider negative and all the habits that somehow interfere with your life is simply an impossible task. Having shouldered such a load, you can hold out for a week, and then fall back to your previous state, if not in an aggravated form. Break the global task into components, and work on one or more qualities at the same time, gradually incorporating the rest when you have mastered the first.

How can a person change for the better if he has no starting point for action, i.e. understanding who he is and his inner spiritual world. The solution to any problem begins with study; in the event of a change in character, the need to immerse yourself in the world of your own experiences becomes categorical. The first question along the way of this research will be about the reasons for change. Analyze what events are pushing you towards this. Changes made out of a sense of love and self-care will bring beneficial consequences (reducing the tendency to irritation will protect you from heart problems, developing the ability to refuse will give you more time for yourself and communication with loved ones, training perseverance will help you complete a project). At the same time, if you decided to reshape your character for the convenience of others, then this situation will not make you feel better, and the feeling of violence against your own psyche will remain and may return to you in the form of psychosomatics (becoming compliant at the request of others, you will be overwhelmed with their requests , increasing rigidity in order to prove something to someone can turn your friends away from you, and outwardly good-natured communication with those who betrayed you is fraught with the development of hypertension and peptic ulcers).

Listen carefully to why you are changing and look at the results, for whom it will be easier and more joyful.

To change for the better in character, you need to maintain a constant enough high level happiness and interest in your own life. Review your prohibitive beliefs and throw out half of them (staying up because you have to cook a meal, not picking up the last piece of candy, giving up going to the movies to clean the house - these are all examples of things that can bring you pieces of happiness and feeling good, but you will only lose false beliefs that this is impossible). Look every day for what will bring you joy, make sure that your life is filled with activities, hobbies, and entertainment that you enjoy and are not popular or approved by your friends. Good character does not imply complete conformity to the world around us, but it definitely includes understanding one’s needs, since this is the only way to understand and accept the differences of others.

How to force yourself to change for the better? Don't put off achieving what's important to you, justifying it as others' priority now, or work on your perseverance. Don't work on changing yourself, but change your life in your direction. You will not be able to become a convenient copy that fits into the given standards. There will always be those who don’t love you and you are free to compete with them, fight, not communicate, or look for common ground. There will always be places where you are out of touch, and you are free to whine and stay there, leave to look for others or create your own. The world is plastic, and self-acceptance helps to find organic ways to fulfill needs, in addition to reshaping one’s own personality.

How can a girl change for the better?

When a crisis breaks out in a relationship or a girl walks around for a week with a silent and dissatisfied face, and the relationship becomes cooler, guys begin to look for ways to change for the better. The first thing to understand is to prefer action, and the sooner the better, rather than carry out serious scientific research this problem.

A common mistake guys make when making changes is that they completely focus their attention on the girl’s interests, trying to please or even predict her desires. Such tactics can help significantly. If before this you paid absolutely no attention to it, but most often it does not bring results. In order for a girl to become more comfortable and interesting with you, she needs to upgrade her own life and abilities. So, instead of constantly annoying your companion, get busy - read a book from a new area for you, sign up for courses, play sports, discover a new hobby. A person who does not stand still, develops, knows what he wants, attracts attention. By expanding the range of your own interests, it will be easier for you to understand the girl, more topics for conversation and reasons for spending time together. Self-development is a labor-intensive and time-consuming way to improve yourself in the eyes of a girl, but it is more reliable than a gifted bouquet.

Watch not only the development of your inner world, but also your appearance. Take care of clean and tidy clothing, regular hygiene procedures, pay special attention to your health (adjust your regime, diet, pastime), exercise different types(beautiful muscles, of course, delight, but agility, ability to handle different types of transport, accuracy will make a girl look with admiring eyes).

How can a girl change for the better? Look for the positive in everything and tune in to this wave. Good mood, the ability to cheer up, to get out of an unpleasant situation with humor - these are the qualities that women really value in men. And of course, do not forget to take into account the wishes of your companion, because if she voiced a request to be late less often, then the first thing you should work on is your own. Girls usually make it clear what they want from guys, do not neglect her words, because before expressing criticism out loud, she has already remained silent for a while, justified, endured and did everything possible in her life so as not to make claims against you.

How to change for the better for a guy?

Girls, striving for constant success, focus their activities on two factors: own desires and the desires of the guys. Usually, in order to become better for a guy, external changes come first. Becoming more feminine, changing worn-out jeans to an airy dress, learning to walk exhilaratingly in stiletto heeled pumps - this is all an arsenal that women actively use to increase their own attractiveness in the eyes of men. Indeed, appearance plays an important role in the formation and generation of interest, but subsequently one gets used to appearance, and a man will exchange any beautiful doll for a woman with whom he feels comfortable and cozy.

Internal change is a more serious and labor-intensive process compared to external transformations. Putting on a dress and looking feminine is a task of several hours, but remaining feminine in your actions, regardless of your wardrobe, is a whole art, to which many trainings are now devoted. But usually guys don't need that much. They are interested in living and real girls who know themselves, their skills, strong and weaknesses, they know what they want. Internal fullness, reliability, ability to support difficult situation and the ability to understand attract guys and make them stick around.

Get to know yourself, engage in your own development, accept yourself, this world and the guy who is next to you as you are, and you will become better not only for him, you will feel how you have become more comfortable and joyful living with yourself, how the world around you has begun to care about you. Become more open to the world, develop spontaneity and try to replace criticism and prejudice with research interest in the opinions and lives of other people - such changes will not leave others indifferent and will give space for the realization of your inner space.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

If, when asked whether a person is happy, he says yes without hesitation, it means that the way he lives, what he does, the people around him, etc., suits him perfectly and every day brings him a lot of positive emotions that provide a boost of strength for new achievements. Those who were less fortunate, or rather, who lacked something in order to fulfill their desires - perseverance, patience or courage, will most likely think twice before claiming their happiness, because their plans were not realized. Phrases like “it’s impossible to change”, “I don’t have enough character to achieve more” are absolute nonsense, because according to psychologists, it’s quite possible to change yourself, and thanks to such changes, you can change your life.

Each of us wants to change ourselves in some way: get rid of shyness or irritability, become more purposeful or cheerful... Changes do not happen instantly. Transformation is a road that we must walk step by step. What awaits us on the path of change?

1. Insight

In general, you are satisfied with everything about the way you live - everything is convenient and seems to be safe. But something is happening. Vivid or completely unnoticeable, it disrupts the usual way of your life, and you suddenly feel an unpleasant stirring of dissatisfaction in your soul. Reality seems to be pushing you: think about it, is this the kind of person you wanted to live?

Awareness of thirst changes in one's character comes suddenly. Something happens that tears off the blinders of everyday life, forcing us to rise above the everyday routine and ask the question: “Who am I and how do I live? Am I happy with this? Do I always want to live like this?” Various internal and external events, intense or not very intense, positively or negatively colored, can push you to such a conversation with yourself. Illness, dismissal from work, good book, cheating spouse or a chance meeting with a friend.

But in fact, this fateful event that provokes insight is only a trigger that opens the floodgates of consciousness to thoughts that previously remained outside of it. Most likely, you have been thinking about this for a long time, but did not fully realize your own dissatisfaction - it was too convenient to live according to habit, without changing anything.

You suppressed irritation, did not notice the decrease in self-esteem, compared yourself with someone who had achieved more... And then a meeting with a fellow student who touched something inside, causing both delight and indignation at a way of thinking and lifestyle different from yours... These moments lead to acute awareness of the need to change internally - in order to become yourself. Getting carried away with ideas, making plans and realizing our desires often paradoxically takes us away from ourselves. We get used to imperfections, restrictions and almost no longer feel tightness and spasms. That’s why it’s so important at the moment of insight not to ignore own feelings, but listen and try to understand yourself. Why, for example, has it ceased to be interesting in the company of friends or no longer wants to perform feats of labor.

2. Uncertainty

This stage is a test of the strength of our thirst for change. He either confirms your desire to become different, or nullifies noble impulses. How valuable are new ideas to you personally? What is this - a manifestation of your nature or a stupid attempt to put on someone else's dress? A period of doubt will help separate the wheat from the chaff...

“It would be great, but...”, “How will my loved ones perceive this?”, “Will I find more than I lose?”, “Will I be happier than I am now?” - these questions overcome us as soon as we decide change your life. Any change means taking risks. After all, you are moving away from your usual state towards uncertainty. It's always scary not to be able to predict the future with 100% certainty.

However, the stage of doubt is necessary. Uncertainty does not deprive us of freedom of choice - it only creates the conditions for our choice to be conscious. This stage makes it possible to avoid mistakes inherent in rash actions. It allows us to assess the importance of what we are going to do and the risks we are willing to take in the name of change.

However, if we doubt for too long, it kills our desire to change our character. We “cool down,” lose the energy needed for action, and return to the starting position. Perhaps your expectations from change are excessive, and the bar is too high? Ask yourself honestly what you expect from change, do you realize that working on yourself will require a lot of effort and time and, perhaps, the ability to rise after defeat and start again? And if, after frank answers to these questions, the goal does not become less desirable, limit the time of hesitation and make up your mind.

3. Resistance

After the period of doubt comes a stage of resistance to change. He is characterized by the thoughts “I won’t succeed,” “I’m not capable of such actions.” Is this a reason to abandon the plan?

Inside each of us lives a kind of saboteur who does not want to change his life and blocks all our efforts. Sigmund Freud was the first to discover this universal property of the psyche and call it “resistance.” The function of resistance is to counteract the awareness of desires, feelings or ideas that can destroy the established self-image and lead to changes in life or relationships dear to us. Despite the fact that this is the terminology of psychoanalysis, we constantly observe manifestations of resistance in everyday life - remember how often we tend not to recognize obvious things!

An instrument of resistance is a formed system of attitudes, unique filters through which we look at our lives. In everyday situations, they can greatly help us, automating routine decision-making, saving enormous amounts of time and energy. The uniqueness of these attitudes determines our character and shapes our individuality. “The best is the enemy of the good”, “I am always right”, “I must” - you need to know these attitudes and take them for granted. This will allow you to make an “adjustment” for them in the situation of making an important decision. At first, this will not always be successful, and even then only in hindsight. For example, you realize that the reason for yesterday’s quarrel with your husband is that the eternal “I know better” worked. You should not try to forcefully “turn off” your filter with tomorrow. This will only create an “overfilter” designed to control the previous one, and will only complicate your system of attitudes and slow down the movement towards change. Just know your settings. By being aware of them, you will be able to make a choice, use your usual way of thinking or try to look at the state of things in a way that is unusual for you.

4. Implementation of the plan

Internal transformation is a long path of specific small steps-actions aimed at realizing your plans. Having gone through three stages of change, you have come to the conscious need for transformation. What happens next? How do you feel about yourself? Do you consider yourself by and large good person? A positive, healthy self-attitude will help you move towards your goal effectively and at a good pace, while self-blame, which may have pushed you to work on yourself, will be a serious obstacle. Therefore, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and a kind attitude towards oneself are very important in order for the process of changing one’s character to begin.

Violent activity and a sharp transition to a different behavior are not always signs of internal changes. Radical actions are more likely to indicate a superficial belief that everything will happen instantly and easily, while personal transformation involves deep, lasting changes that manifest themselves in the most ordinary, everyday actions. These are moments of reflection, spoken words of gratitude to my wife, an attentive conversation with my teenage daughter. Every day, every minute everyday life doing ordinary things with a goal orientation is a recipe for profound change.

Treat yourself kindly. Notice your small achievements and praise yourself for them. This will help you stay motivated, patient and determined. Your brain does not immediately accept new behavior patterns - this is normal. Take your time and don't get upset. Save positive attitude and self-tolerance. Perfectionism and haste will be extremely harmful now. Give yourself time change internally, and for those around you to realize and accept the changes taking place in you. And one day you will hear the cherished “you have changed so much!”, spoken with gratitude and admiration.

Continuous self-development is a mandatory condition of human life. And the main goal human life– maximum disclosure of personal potential. But this is impossible without adequate self-criticism and reflection. Through analysis of actions, character, appearance, we understand what we are not happy with about ourselves, what we want to work on in order to get closer to our own ideal. By the way, the ideal self is a product of personality; each person has his own idea of ​​the ideal.

To work on yourself, you need to draw up a precise plan of action. To do this, it is necessary to specify the advantages and disadvantages, the state of things in the present. What a person really is is called the real self. This is what a person knows and can do, his current habits, patterns of behavior, values, strengths and weaknesses.

Changes for the better involve movement towards the ideal self. This is what a person wants to become. This is where we encounter the first danger: we need to have real ideas about our capabilities.

It is important to distinguish between what depends on you and what does not depend on you. This is especially true for appearance. Some people resort to surgery, but this is not the best solution. What you cannot change, such as height, nose shape, eye color, you need to accept. It is also impossible to change. Like appearance, it is given from birth.

What you can change about yourself:

• (both general orientation and individual qualities);
• attitudes, beliefs and values;
• behavior;
• speech;
• style;
• thinking;

As for abilities, it is not easy to change them - the inclinations are given from birth. However, psychologists say that 99% of success depends on hard work. So if you want to master new profession or a hobby, then it all depends on you. And if in your case hard work is combined with abilities, then achieving success will be much easier.

Well, the last thing to consider is how other people see you and want to see you. Determine how important the opinions of others are to you. Maybe you are completely independent or want to listen to a couple of close people. Be prepared for the fact that your external and internal changes may lead to changes in your environment. It is possible that you will even have to break up with someone.

How to start changing externally

The human body and psyche are interconnected. Internal changes are reflected in the appearance, for example, it makes you straighten your back, and the acquisition gives shine to your eyes. But the same is true in the opposite direction: external changes can change a person’s sense of self:

• Try walking with a straight back, and you will notice how your mood improves and your self-confidence grows.
• Smile and you will notice how your mood stabilizes and your consciousness clears up.
• Put on a dress (for women) or a suit (for men), and you will want to fit in and stop swearing or slouching. The woman will want to behave softer, be more gentle, and the man will become more decisive.

Your style should be combined with your attitude and lifestyle. Think about what clothes will suit your new look, what hairstyle will go with it. As for the choice itself, this is rather a question for stylists and image makers.

And of course, remember general rules self care. You don't have to follow fashion or buy expensive brands. It is much more important to be neat: clean skin (depending on mental state and physical health), washed and ironed clothes, styled and cut hair.

Although all this is individual, I don’t know what your ideal appearance is. Someone wants to lose weight, and someone wants to gain weight or pump up. Someone deliberately strives for deliberate sloppiness, for example, teenagers who are sympathetic to, have very specific ideas about ideals and changes for the better.

In general, it’s easy to change, the main thing is to start. Determine your ideal and gradually move towards it: hairstyle, clothes, weight, body proportions, behavior. The latter deserves special attention and is largely associated with internal changes.

How to start changing internally

You can change your appearance and change your wardrobe in one day, but internal changes it will take months and years. Be prepared for this, as well as for the fact that you will adjust your action plan as you work.

What you can do right now:

1. Formulate the purpose of the changes, draw up a portrait of your future. Write a letter from the future to yourself. Re-read it in moments of fatigue. This is your motivation to continue making changes.
2. Write down on a piece of paper the habits you want to break. Give them up right now. Don't wait for Monday or your last cigarette. She already was.
3. Write down the qualities that do not suit you, and those qualities that you would like to develop.
4. Based on your goals and objectives, select books and training courses. Maybe you want to improve your speaking skills, or become more confident, or learn to play the piano. musical instrument, master etiquette, or learn a language. Choose a course and sign up now. If you want to lose weight or get in shape, sign up for a consultation with a trainer and nutritionist.
5. Get busy. Remove time wasters from your life, optimize your time.
6. Think about what environmental conditions correspond to the ideal image of “I”. Will your improved version be combined with your previous profession, place of work, social circle? If not, then you need to think about that too. Although, it may be easier after some changes to take a test and decide on a new type of activity. On the other hand, you can understand what your soul is drawn to, find out what you should be able to do, what qualities you should possess, and begin to develop this in yourself.
7. Distinguish between those unsatisfactory conditions that you can change and those over which you are powerless. For example, you cannot influence the socio-economic status of a country, but you can make adjustments to your social and economic status.
8. Talk to your loved one for advice. Ask how he will react to your changes, whether he is ready to change with you. Think about what your relationship will look like in the future. Get a support group.
9. Start now surrounding yourself with the people you want to be like. And leave those who drag you down and keep you in your old life.

The main rule: do not throw yourself into the pool headlong. You must have a plan and a clear understanding of your trajectory, you should not go “nowhere”.

Afterword

Change for the better is the way out. Naturally, emotions and feelings such as fear, anxiety, worry, possibly anger and apathy will arise. Secondary difficulties will arise, for example, misunderstanding on the part of those who remained at your old level of development. It is possible that you will want to give up everything and retreat. At such moments, you need to remember the main goal. For what or who did you decide to change? Motivation must be very strong.

Change is both simple and difficult at the same time. Simply understanding what you want to change makes it a little more difficult to understand how to achieve the desired result, and even more difficult to achieve the goal and maintain the changes.