A person takes into account the opinions of others. A quick way to not care about other people's opinions. Get to know your authentic voice

We are satisfied with life when our loved ones love and wait for us and significant people. This dependence can be taken for granted and “don’t scratch where it doesn’t itch.” What to do if it doesn’t give you peace public opinion? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.

It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who thinks what about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? A famous woman once said: “I don’t care what you think about me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about other people’s opinions, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.

People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most people need the approval of others, sometimes even those they don’t like. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once stated: “...Believe me, I care what people think about me... because I’m not a robot "

Impressionable people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young people, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps they will feel better when they learn about the “18-40-60” rule by American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, including “Change your brain, change your life!” He assures his patients who suffer from complexes, lack self-confidence and are overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18 you care what others think of you, at 40 you no longer care, and at 60 you understand what others think about you.” They don’t think at all.”

Where does this dependence on other people’s opinions, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers, come from?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming your interlocutor and making a favorable impression on him. After all, as they say, “a kind word is also pleasant for a cat.”

It's about about something else: about cases when, in an effort to be liked, a person says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not as he is comfortable, but as his friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their lives. How many destinies have failed because the opinions of others were put above one’s own!

Such problems have always existed – as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., noted: “Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner.”

Psychologists say that dependence on other people’s opinions is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people don’t value themselves is another question. Perhaps they were “shut down” by authoritarian parents or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities due to successive failures. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings not worthy of anyone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, unloved and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or to be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”

By the way, everyone famous work A. Griboedov’s “Woe from Wit,” written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is concerned not with the conflict that occurred in his house, but with “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?” In this work, Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.

Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not taken into account and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. Essentially, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a feeling of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.

True, there is another extreme: one’s own opinion, desires and feelings are placed above all else. Such people live by the principle: “There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one.” But this, as they say, “is a completely different story.”

Is it possible to learn not to depend on other people's opinions?

As secretary Verochka said from the movie “Office Romance,” if you want, “you can teach a hare to smoke.” But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including

1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself

And for this, first of all, you need a strong desire. Writer Ray Bradbury told people: “You can get anything you need if you really need it.”

Changing yourself means changing the way you think. Anyone who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, he is not satisfied with it). After all, everything we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth thinking about what is paramount for us - own life or illusions of other people.

Known for his bright individuality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals in his childhood;

2. Control yourself

Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to others. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.

There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact everything has already been decided for us by friends, parents, colleagues. A young man is forced into marriage because “it’s the right thing” and “it’s time,” because all his friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some young man with her to the village during the holidays, passing her off as her husband, because her mother is ashamed in front of her neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need and have expensive weddings just to meet other people's expectations.

When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking yourself how well it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it’s easy to let yourself be led astray from your own path in life;

3. Love yourself

Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will judge us. There are so many people, so many opinions – it’s impossible to please everyone. Yes, I’m “not a piece of gold to please everyone,” said some literary hero.

So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Isn't it better to take a closer look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a single whole.

A person who does not love his home does not put it in order and does not decorate it. One who does not love himself does not care about his development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he does not have his own opinion and passes off someone else’s as his own;

4. Stop overthinking

Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of others. A married colleague had an affair with a co-worker. No one was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered and in the end quit, unable to withstand, as he believed, the behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is concerned primarily with his own problems.

All people are primarily concerned with themselves, and even if someone wears socks of different colors, a sweater inside out, or dyes their hair pink, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, who are often completely indifferent to us;

5. Learn to ignore other people’s opinions if they are not constructive

Only those who are nothing are not criticized. American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then “do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” But we don’t want to “be anything.” This means we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to that with which we disagree, not letting it determine our lives. The famous one, addressing graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Others' success and popularity often arouse envy among people who covet them but lack the intelligence, ability, or self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinions in the comments, trying to break down and force “to leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly received fame. And sometimes they succeed.

Those who like to criticize, wrote Oscar Wilde, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are deplorable, and should be treated with a dose of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.

We have already briefly touched on this topic a couple of times, but now we decided to develop it thoroughly. Since the tendency to impose one’s personal opinion on others does not stop growing. Even if you don’t take into account mass propaganda like fashion, you are surrounded by many worms who are trying to gnaw into your space in order to instill in you a new idea. By the way, we are not talking about those people from whom you yourself asked for advice: we told you about, don’t forget about it.

1. This is not their life

And if it’s not their life, then it doesn’t concern them. People have the right to think about whatever they want, so let them think. No matter what you do, they will be unhappy with you.

If your friend throws tantrums and attacks you, no matter how hard you try to change, she will still be dissatisfied with something. So tell her to spend all that energy on her life, not yours. You're not going to grovel in front of someone all the time, are you? At least that's what we hope.

2. They don't know

Only you know what needs to be done to make you feel good. And people who impose something don’t really know what’s best for you. It’s better to learn from your own mistakes, stumble and walk without a hat in winter, but it’s your choice.

If you make a mistake, it will be only your mistake and you will have to live with it. Even if you follow the advice and still get burned, it’s still up to you to live with it. And the adviser will no longer care - everything is fine in his life.

3. Their opinion is not objective.

The problem is that such people trumpet from their own bell tower. First of all, they think: “I would do this... So he should do the same.” This is the main problem. After all, what is good for one person can be a fatal mistake for another.

He will tell you that this is garbage and you don’t need to get involved, but in fact everything can turn out to be an excellent prospect for you. He doesn't know what you need. Although, maybe he knows, he’s just deliberately leading you away from it. Yes, envy is common among people.

4. It slows you down

If you always rely on the opinions of others, then you greatly slow down your reunion with your dream. Extra thoughts and doubts can make you give up the most important thing.

If you want to be unique personality, then you have to do something that may not be acceptable to everyone. So what now? Stop and ask the opinion of every passerby who looks askance?

5. You have to clean it up

In fact, it’s up to you to clean up the mess and accept the consequences. Well, it's my own fault. Shouldn't have listened smart people who express their opinion about the problem, but do not know what to do with their lives. They don't risk their fate - they expose your goals and dreams to payback.

6. You have one life

You should probably know about this anyway. Isn’t it just better to live this little life without worrying about other people’s opinions? You have no idea what this kind of freedom means. Maybe I should try it? If anything happens, you can always come running to us in tears, we will console you and help you with advice.

7. In conclusion

The hard truth: you can't please everyone. We would even say there is no need to try to please everyone. There are relatives and loved ones for whom you should try, and, of course, you have you. First of all, you live and do something for yourself. Not for the sake of neighbors and friends. Not for the sake of employees at work and other strangers. All this is just for you. Therefore, you have the right to build your life yourself without unnecessary tips.

If religious fanatics come up to you again and offer to join their sect and impose their principles, then go to their neck. Better yet, start pushing sermons on them yourself. Beat the villains with the same weapon!

Sensitivity to the opinions of others is real slavery and the main enemy of our happiness. Therefore, let us once and for all choose independence, realizing that the true value of an individual and what others think about him are not the same thing.

IN modern society It is easy to become dependent on the opinions of other people, because the value of an individual is now unfairly judged by his social status. Please note that discussing acquaintances is the No. 1 topic in our everyday conversations. But let me remind you that there is too little truth in gossip to be taken seriously.

And even if we understand this perfectly, it is still sometimes very difficult to ignore the words of others. To cope with such a problem, you need, first of all, to clearly understand 10 good reasons why you still shouldn’t care about anyone’s opinion.

1. Nobody knows you as well as you do.

People can be very arrogant sometimes. And this is manifested in the fact that they tend to judge the personal qualities of another person only a few minutes after meeting. We generalize, make assumptions, and form opinions about other people from the very first moments of interaction, but the conclusions we reach are rarely correct. Few people know the truth even after years of communication. You know your own strengths and weaknesses, all your likes and dislikes, better than anyone else in the entire world. Yes, people can be incredibly quick to jump to conclusions, but do their opinions of you reflect reality? Hardly. So don't even bother about it.

2. Nobody likes to be worse than others

We all like to feel confident that our lives are no worse than others. And when things don’t go as smoothly as they would like, many begin to deliberately downplay the achievements of friends and slander their acquaintances in order to look more successful and prosperous against this background. In this way they try to hide their own insecurities and inferiority. Of course, it’s easier to do this than to strive to rise and become better yourself. But this fact does not make such a strategy winning. Remember that only the best are discussed, so throw all gossip out of your head and continue living your life.

3. You deserve peace of mind

Do you want to live a life full of worries and worries? A life where other people's words sting you like wasps every time you hear negative or insulting remarks directed at you? I bet you don't want to. It is unlikely that anyone will be attracted by the prospect of living their entire life as a “good boy” who tries to please everyone, in fear of being offended or not accepted. You deserve a better fate. Remind yourself of this often.

4. In any situation there will always be dissatisfied people

Successful people don't care what others think about them. Why? Because there will always be those who are dissatisfied, and in order to achieve something more, you often have to cross someone’s path, without this there is no way. And if on your path to success you suddenly find that you are not meeting any resistance, then you are probably doing something wrong. Whether you do what you want or don’t do, in any case you will be bad for someone. So why deny yourself then?

5. You just don't have time for this.

Success is becoming a better, more perfect version of yourself. In order to achieve success, you must develop your strengths and minimize all your weaknesses. But how can you do this if you are too caught up in the views and opinions of other people? If you want to succeed, you have no right to waste your precious time on such nonsense. Focus on self-development rather than thinking about the thoughts of others.

“Being yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you into someone else is the greatest achievement.”- Ralph Emerson.

6. Self-confidence is not built on the opinions of others.

How often do you think a self-confident person pays attention to unkind criticism? I don't think often. On the contrary, confidence comes from understanding the pettiness and subjectivity of the opinions of others. Confident people They ignore unfounded criticism, they themselves know their shortcomings and know how to live with them. They don't need others to understand their mistakes. First of all, they trust themselves and their own opinions.

7. Only those who do nothing themselves criticize.

In his famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie reminds his readers how important it is not to criticize other people if you want to achieve true success. Attempts to disturb others, even with simple gossip, never lead to any good. And, as they say, only those who do nothing themselves criticize. Therefore, do not pay attention to evil tongues - with their gossip they only make things worse for themselves.

“Criticism is like a carrier pigeon: it always comes back.”- Dale Carnegie.

8. You will start to believe what they say about you.

If you worry too much about the opinions of others, you will begin to forget that it is subjective and has nothing to do with real situation things. And this is the sad truth. If you don't learn to ignore what others say, you will quickly become the person others see you as. Don't become a false version of yourself, remember that no one knows you as well as you do.

"No one can humiliate you without your consent"- Eleanor Roosevelt.

9. You will become a gossip

Our environment has a huge influence on us. And in terms of talking about other people, you need to be very careful. Especially if you notice that you have begun to mock and judge your friends more and more often, in an attempt to overshadow other people's opinions about yourself. Do you see a certain cyclical pattern here? Everyone is discussing each other, and with each new gossip this happens more and more. Do you want to participate in something like this?

10. You will regret this on your deathbed.

Of course, I would not like to end the article on such a sad note, but since we decided to consider all the reasons why you should not care about the opinions of others, then you need to go to the end. And the book “Top 5 Regrets of Dying People” will help us with this, the author of which spent many years caring for people on their deathbeds. Thanks to her wealth of experience, this woman was able to identify the 5 main regrets of dying people. Can you guess what tops the list? That's right, concern about other people's opinions. “I only now understand how much I depended on the opinions of others. I wish I had the courage to live my life the way I wanted, and not the way others wanted,” is what most people think about on their deathbed. Sad ending, isn't it?

Never let other people's opinions control you. We sincerely hope that the above 10 reasons were able to convince you of the absolute uselessness (and even harmfulness) of all worries about what others might think.

Be yourself, live your life and trust only your heart!



Be considered

verb, nsv., used often

Morphology: I I think, You you are considered, he/she/it counts, We we are considered, You are considered, They are considered, be considered, be considered, was considered, was considered, was considered, were considered, considered, considered, considered; St. count, be counted

1. If anyone counts with with someone, with something, this means that this person treats someone or something with attention and respect.

2. If they say about someone that it is possible to don't count, then this means that the opinion of this person is neglected.

3. If they say about something what it is doesn't count, this means that any circumstance is not taken into account and cannot be considered decisive in anything.

4. If anyone doesn't count over time, with danger, this means that this person does not think about the time costs or riskiness of any business.

5. If anyone does anything, regardless with something, it means that someone does not attach importance to something.

Ignoring losses, the detachment moved forward.

6. If anything counts expedient, necessary, etc., this means that the opinions of many people agree that something is exactly that.

Swimming here is considered dangerous. | Accuracy is considered a sign of good manners. | Electric power industry is traditionally considered a key sector of the economy.

7. If anything counts something, this means that something is equated with something, identified with something.

A binary number is considered negative if its most significant bit is 1.

8. If anything counts something, this means that something is classified as a category of things, phenomena, etc.

The large port of Kolkata is considered the tea capital of India. | All over the world, insurance is considered one of the most intelligent types of business.

9. If anyone counts by anyone, any, then this means that this person is classified as a member of some category of people.

Someone is considered the founder of something. | In such an accident, the driver is always considered to be at fault.

Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language by Dmitriev. D. V. Dmitriev. 2003.

See what “count” means in other dictionaries:

See care not be considered... Dictionary of Russian synonyms and similar expressions. under. ed. N. Abramova, M.: Russian Dictionaries, 1999. to be taken into account, to take into account, to take into account, to take into account; to be listed, to be listed,... ... Dictionary of synonyms

CONSIDERED, considered, considered, not true. 1. (completely reckon with) someone with what. Make cash payments, pay. 2. (completely reckon with) trans., with whom with what. To settle scores, argue and quarrel without giving in (simple). He takes everyone into account. 3. with… … Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary

With whom, what (foreign language) to take into consideration. Wed. Her husband, the merchant, already represents himself as “something” in the local political world, he is now in some way a “person,” a “zemstvo figure,” a “representative” of a well-known idea, an honorable and “influential”... ... Michelson's Large Explanatory and Phraseological Dictionary (original spelling)

TO BE CONSIDERED, I think, I think; imperfect 1. with whom. Make calculations, pay (colloquial). I'm paying for everyone, then we'll be with you. 2. with whom (what). Take into account, take into account, respect someone. S. with someone else's opinion. 3. by whom (what). To have a reputation, to be famous in... ... Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary

1. TO BE CONSIDERED, yes, yes; nsv. 1. Unlock Make mutual cash payments; to pay, to pay. I'll pay, and s. We'll be there later. 2. Clarify relationships with each other, listing mutual services, favors, claims, etc.... ... Encyclopedic Dictionary

With whom, with what (foreign language) take into account Wed. Her husband, the merchant, already represents something in the local political world; he is now in some way a person, a zemstvo figure, a representative of a well-known idea, an honorable and influential person with whom it is necessary... ... Michelson's Large Explanatory and Phraseological Dictionary

be considered- CONSIDERED, nesov. (Soviet to settle accounts) with whom with what. Show (show) a respectful attitude towards someone, taking his views, opinions into account... Big explanatory dictionary Russian verbs

I nesov. 1. decompression Carry out mutual settlements; to pay, to pay. Ott. trans. Clarify relationships with each other. 2. transfer To take into account, to recognize as significant. Ott. Treat with respect, appreciate. 3. decompression To be listed... ... Modern explanatory dictionary of the Russian language by Efremova

Considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered, considered,... ... Forms of words

Books

• Jew - who is he? National and religious definition of Jewry in ruling precedents. The question of who is a Jew is not so simple. In Judaism, one can become a Jew by converting to Judaism, and the nationality of children in mixed marriages is determined by the mother, and not by the father. Does this remain... Category: Anthropology. Ethnography Series: History Publisher: Bridges of Culture,
• Black Shooter 2, Alexander Mazin, A sniper's bullet, which interrupted the wedding ceremony, radically changed the situation in the glorious city of Shirgorod. Alexey Shelekhov and his team are a new force that everyone will now have to reckon with... Category:

Sometimes it's not so easy to not worry about what others think. However, there are many ways to become a more confident person, form your own opinions and develop your own style. Try not to think about whether others are looking at you or whether they are judging you. Don't take their opinions too seriously. Listen only to reasoned opinions based on facts. Make a decision based on your values, do not neglect your beliefs and principles. When it comes to style, remember that everyone's tastes are different, so no one has the right to judge you.

Steps

Become a more confident person

Accept yourself for who you are. Be yourself, try to become better, but accept what you cannot change about yourself. Don't try to become someone else just to please others.

• Make a list of the things you like about yourself and also a list of the things you would like to change. Think about what specific steps you will have to take to become better. For example: “Sometimes I am too aggressive towards other people. Every time someone makes a remark or says something to me, I need to first wait and think about what I want to say, and only then speak.”
• Accept what you cannot change. For example, perhaps you would like to be a little taller. But understand that you cannot change this. So instead of constantly thinking about how nice it would be if you were a little taller, try to think about the benefits of being taller, like not having to hit your head on a doorway.

1. Don't be afraid of embarrassment, imagine a successful outcome of events. Try not to set yourself up for an unsuccessful or awkward outcome, and don't worry about what other people will think of you if you do something wrong. Set yourself a goal, break it down into small subgoals and try to visualize your success at every step!

   • For example, if you want to appear more confident during a conversation, break this goal into several subgoals: maintain eye contact, listen to the other person, nod when the other person pauses, ask questions, answer, tell stories from your life.
   • If the result is not exactly what you planned, don’t be embarrassed, just try to understand what your mistake was. Remember that you are just learning, no one succeeds right away, especially on the first try.

2. Don't try to predict every step and every action. Realize that people around you don't notice every little thing you do. Before you become embarrassed and lose confidence, remind yourself that people are more interested in the time they spend with you, they have no time to evaluate and criticize your every thought and action.

   • Try to control yourself, notice in time that you are starting to get hung up on one thought. Tell yourself: “Stop analyzing! Calm down and relax."
   • The ability to calm down quickly and the ability to learn from your mistakes are very useful things, especially if you are committed to success rather than negative thoughts.

3. Don't let someone's negative opinion define who you are. Maintain balance and do not take negative judgments as absolute truth. If you think there is some truth to this judgment, use it as an opportunity to improve something about yourself, but do not let negative judgments affect your self-esteem.

   • For example, suppose someone says that you have a nasty character. If you barely know this person and don't know him at all, just ignore it. However, if a close friend or a good friend who spends a lot of time with you told you this, think about why he had this opinion. Work on learning to stay calm when you get angry (you can do this by breathing slowly and deeply).

4. Consider whether the person who expressed a negative opinion about you has good intentions. What a person's intentions are determines whether you accept that opinion or simply forget about it. Ask yourself: “Does this person have a vested interest in this matter? Did he say this to let me know what I need to work on to improve, or is this just a petty attempt to insult me?”

   • For example, your good friend might say, “It seems like you're lately It’s impossible to communicate, you’re not yourself.” This judgment can be accepted and considered. On the other hand, if they tell you: “You are always so inattentive, you are so stupid!”, then it is better to simply ignore such a judgment.

5. Try to present yourself in a way that makes you happier. Think about your interests, your clothing preferences, your surroundings, your lifestyle choices. Focus on your style, on what makes you happy, rather than chasing fashion and popular trends.

   • For example, if you find that you like to mix and match different styles and colors, don't be afraid to wear what you like just because other people might think it's wrong.
   • Decorate your apartment or room with various trinkets that are valuable to you, even if someone advises you to choose something more stylish or go minimalist. On the other hand, remove all knick-knacks and various other decorative items if you hate clutter and clutter. Just do what is best for you.

6. Create an “inspiration” folder to find your own style. Once you've found your own style of clothing, look through fashion magazines and blogs for inspiration. Cut out pictures that motivate you, collect them and make a digital or paper collage or “inspiration notebook.” Look through magazines and find images that make you feel unique and confident.